Parents May Not See Party As Proper

Mon., Feb. 21, 2000

Q. Prom is a few months away, and my friends (guys and girls) are planning to go as a group and later get a hotel room where we can all watch movies and hang out. My parents are already saying they won’t let me go to any hotel room even though I’ve told them that we’re all just friends. How can I change their minds?

A. Is your parents’ decision based on not trusting you or because they believe it is not the right thing for you to do? If it is about lack of trust, talk with them about what you can do to build more trust. However, a more common situation is that your parents don’t want you to go to the hotel room because they don’t believe it is the right thing for you to do. It is not about trust but a parent setting boundaries based on what they think is right for a person your age. Parents make these hard decisions based on their concern and love for their child. If you continue to disagree over the lack of trust, it will turn into an argument over the wrong issue. Instead, try to understand their concerns and then explain your point of view. If there is no compromise, it might be easier for you to accept their decision if you remember their motive for not letting you go is because they really love you. - Stacey Mainer, M.S.W. adolescent & adult counseling

A. It is very hard to change the minds of one’s parents, but they might be influenced in your favor by meeting your friends before prom night. Ask your parents if you can have a small party at your house so they could meet your friends. Make a list of the friends who may be attending the prom night party. Offer your parents their names and phone numbers; it might make them feel better about the party if they could talk to other parents whose kids are attending. Be sure to let your parents know where the prom party is going to be held. Extend an invitation to them to drop by for a brief visit if they still feel concerned. Trust is a difficult bridge to build between parents and teens. If you have been working on that bridge throughout your life, perhaps they will allow you this freedom. - Angie Weeks, Worley, ID

Q. I am very self-conscious about getting undressed in front of people, even my mom and my best friend. My friends think I’m weird and are always making fun of me. I wish I wasn’t so shy, but I don’t know how I can change.

A. People have different levels of comfort showing their bodies to others. You seem to be more modest than your friends, which is not right or wrong but just part of who you are and what you are feeling.

Although this may change at a later time, for now, accepting this as only a difference will help you feel better about yourself. I also wonder if what could be upsetting is the teasing you experience from your friends. Perhaps you could talk with each friend and tell her how it makes you feel. - Stacey Mainer

A. There’s nothing wrong with modesty. A lot of people are uncomfortable changing in front of others. If it’s because you’re uncomfortable with your body, then that’s a separate issue that you need to confront. Otherwise, just tell people that your privacy is important to you. - Kathy Bula, East Valley

A. You don’t need to change. Modesty is a treasured virtue that is not valued enough in this society. If your friends think you are weird, be brave and talk to them about your feelings. Let them know your body is your possession and it is your choice how you display it. If they are truly your friends, they will understand and honor your wishes. Your shyness may fade with time, but for now don’t worry so much about what other people think. Take pride in your decisions. - Angie Weeks

What’s your advice?

Q. I think I’m getting burned out. I’ve always been a very busy person, involved in many activities and taken tough classes, but this year I’m always stressed about about everything I have to do. Right now I feel like quitting everything. Any advice?

Q. My little brother looks up to me, and my parents are always using me as an example for him to either follow (when I do good things) or not follow (when I mess up). I don’t like having that kind of pressure, it’s as if my little brother’s future rests on my shoulders. Is there anything I can do?

Local journalism is essential.

Give directly to The Spokesman-Review's Northwest Passages community forums series -- which helps to offset the costs of several reporter and editor positions at the newspaper -- by using the easy options below. Gifts processed in this system are tax deductible.

Meet Our Journalists

Jesse Tinsley

Meet Jesse Tinsley. As a certified drone pilot, this veteran Spokesman-Review photographer often can be seen capturing beautiful aerial photographs of our region. Sometimes though, the job requires getting down with the dogs.
Jim Meehan

Jim Meehan is no stranger to Zag Nation. As the lead writer covering the Gonzaga men’s basketball team, he tells the stories behind the game and gets fans a bit closer to their favorite players.
Molly Quinn

There is no artist in Spokane like Molly Quinn. Her whimsical style is instantly recognizable to readers of The Spokesman-Review. She has painted gorgeous illustrations that instantly elevate the journalism accompanying it. She brings to life the stories that defy photography. She makes our pages better.
Rob Curley

Spokesman-Review editor Rob Curley loves to talk with people and learn about their lives, whether it's a best-selling author or a stranger he meets downtown on his walk to lunch. It's that inquisitive nature combined with a playful sense of storytelling that helps make our newspaper different than most.