Worker Has Eye For Her Boss

Q: I moved to a new department several months ago. Our department manager is very nice and friendly and goes out to lunch with our group, in which I am the only female. He doesn’t seem to mind personal questions or conversations.

I began liking him and e-mailed him about my feelings. I told him that I know it is not the right thing and that I’m trying to stop feeling this way. He did not respond to my e-mail but continued treating me the same. I was feeling uncomfortable about it so I sent another e-mail apologizing for having told him about my feelings and said I wouldn’t mention it again.

He responded by thanking me for being courteous. I am trying not to show my strong feelings toward him, but it’s hard. I left him a note on his desk just saying “hi” because I hadn’t seen him yet one day. Was that inappropriate?

A: Hold off on the personal notes right now. Working for someone you have strong feelings about can be difficult. Your manager has not responded in kind to your advances, so follow suit.

Both of you need to be careful because of the sexual harassment potential.

According to Dennis Powers, lawyer and author of “The Office Romance” (AMACOM $22.95), one-third of all romances begin at work, 80 percent of all workers know of or have been involved in an office romance, and one-half of all workplace romances result in marriage or a long-lasting relationship.

You can continue being friendly, but don’t make any more advances or emotional declarations.

If you develop a strong working relationship and friendship with this man, a deeper relationship might develop as time goes by.

Employees can be friendly without being personal

Q: In your column in which an employee was criticized on a personal level by her boss, you told her to hold her personal conversation for breaks when the boss was not around. You should also have told her that a person can be pleasant and friendly without having any personal conversations. Personal conversations tend to escalate into private disclosures, which can result in an abuse of power. You can’t let your tongue outrun your brain.

A: You are right. Employees may divulge too much personal information in conversations with others at work - information that could be fuel for vindictive or retaliatory behavior later.

Because people never know what position they will hold in the future or who their bosses or co-workers may be, it’s safest to limit conversations to business or general interest topics. It is possible to be friendly without revealing personal things, and you can deflect personal questions without appearing rude.

Shy job applicant can’t get to second interview

Q: I have no trouble getting job interviews, but I rarely get a second one. I’m looking for a managerial position, but I am soft-spoken. How should I work on this?

A: A public speaking course should help you with your voice and presentation skills. Since shyness may contribute to your speaking quietly, you might also want to call Toastmasters International (800-993-7732) or visit their Web site at www.toastmasters.org to find a group in your area.

Members present speeches to the group and receive friendly and constructive criticism on their delivery.