Suggest Alternative To Traditional Date

Mon., July 17, 2000

Q. I’m 15 and my birthday isn’t for several months. My parents say I can’t date until I’m 16. I’m the only girl I know who has such old-fashioned parents with these outdated rules. This boy I really like asked me out and I made up a reason for not being able to go but told him to ask again. How can I change my parents’ minds and fast?

A.I realize it’s difficult and frustrating to have restrictions placed on you relative to the age of dating.

Perhaps you could suggest some alternatives that might expand your parents’ thinking rather than change their minds. For example, you might consider inviting this boy over to your house for dinner so your friend and your parents can get acquainted. This type of setup will help you learn to be creative when considering your choices instead of thinking the answer is restricted to “yes” or “no.” You will learn to plan opportunities that let you express your individuality coupled with respecting your parents’ rules. - Dr. Mary Dietzen, Spokane psychologist

A. Talk to your parents and let them know why you want to date. Don’t just say it’s because everyone else does. Be honest and give your own personal reasons. Another way to get them to say yes fast is by being responsible. Try being on time for curfew, doing extra chores and showing your parents you’re mature enough to date. - Jennifer Kassner, Shadle Park

Q. I’m 17 and really shy. Every time I get together with my friends, they start talking about all the physical things they do with their girlfriends. So far, I’ve just laughed and kept quiet because I have nothing to say. But recently, a couple of the guys started asking me if there’s something wrong with me. I don’t want to lie, but I don’t want them to make fun of me. What do I do?

A. Most adolescents are impressed with peers who are straightforward, have a sense of humor and are comfortable in their own skins. Your response to laugh and keep quiet has served you well so far. You should try to respond to your friends’ questions in a way that lets you say as little or as much as you feel comfortable with in these situations. You might consider saying, “Of course there’s nothing wrong with me,” in a humorous way or emphasizing that you choose to keep some things personal. - Dr. Mary Dietzen

A. Have you ever heard that honesty is the best policy? Well, I would strongly urge you to be honest with your friends when they ask. If they’re real friends, they’ll understand. I also think being honest is the best solution because a lie eventually will catch up to you. - Jennifer Kassner

A.Your friends are showing their bad manners by kissing and telling, and you might tell them that. If you have a girlfriend, you also might tell your friends the two of you have agreed not to talk about your private behavior. Furthermore, what the guys are saying may not even be true. Young men are notorious for embellishing their sexual exploits. I know from experience that guys sometimes exaggerate. In my case, I was lucky that a friend of mine heard such a tale about me and asked me if it was true. I denied it and my friend believed me. The guy who told the story became the butt of the other guys’ jokes. You are doing the right thing by refraining from such discussions.

- Marian Hennings, former vocational rehabilitation counselor

What’s your advice?

Q: An annoying girl always hangs around me and my friends. I’ve hinted that she’s not welcome, but she doesn’t get it. I don’t want to be mean, but she’s really weird and we don’t want her around. What should I do?

Q. I’ve been best friends with the same guy since I was three. We leave for college this fall and he wants to be my roommate. He’s a pig, and I like a little order in my life. There’s no changing either of us, and I don’t want to be his roommate. One of us would explode. Advice?

Answer these questions - or submit your own questions - by writing to: Our Generation/Advice, 999 W. Riverside, Spokane, WA 99201. Fax (509) 459-5098 or e-mail ourgeneration@spokesman.com. Please include your name and school for our records.

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