Try To Get To Know Tag-Along

Mon., July 24, 2000

Q. An annoying girl always hangs around me and my friends. I’ve hinted that she’s not welcome, but she doesn’t get it. I don’t want to be mean, but she’s really weird and we don’t want her around. What should I do?

A. Before asking her not to hang out with you, how about examining your attitude about differences and weirdness? Is your group uncomfortable only because she is different? Have you spent any one-on-one time with her so that you could really get to know her? You may find you would have another view of her if you get to know her better. I admire your decision not to be mean, but I also believe it’s important that you consider being compassionate as well. As you have a group of friends, you know the importance of belonging. I am sure it’s the same with her. Groups often tend to exclude people, which can be a hurtful experience. I am hopeful that you and your friends will see this as an opportunity to learn not only more about her but about the joy of coming to know someone who is different. - Stacey Mainer, M.S.W. adolescent and adult counseling

A. Instead of dropping hints to this girl, you need to be straightforward. Tell her that you want to spend time with your friends without her tagging along. Do this in a nice manner without being rude or cocky. You also might tell her that you’d like to be friends and get to know her better. You can’t judge a book by its cover. - Jennifer Kassner, Shadle

Q. I’ve been best friends with the same guy since I was 3. We leave for college this fall, and he wants to be my roommate. He’s a pig, and I like a little order in my life. There’s no changing either of us, and I don’t want to be his roommate. One of us would explode. Advice?

A. Tell him how much your friendship means to you and that you’re concerned about how living together would impact your relationship. Perhaps you could see about being in the same dormitory, which would assure you share activities. Also when you fill out information about roommate be sure to note that you want a neat, organized person, or you might try to find a roommate who wouldn’t be as messy as your friend. Hope you have a great year in college! - Stacey Mainer

A. It’s really cool that you have been best friends for that length of time. But I agree that becoming roommates may cause some tensions because you’ll be spending a lot more time together. If you’d like to room with your friend, you could always try compromising. You could help your friend keep your dormitory clean. And don’t get all over his case if he slips once or twice. This solution may help keep the room clean and save your sanity. - Jennifer Kassner

What’s your advice?

Q. I met this guy at summer camp and we promised to have a long-distance relationship. In the meantime, I’ve started going out with another guy I can see on a regular basis. I’d like to keep up the camp relationship because he’s really more my type than the guy nearby, but I like going to movies and concerts with someone. I feel dishonest leading this double life. What should I do?

Q. My mom’s really superstitious and won’t let me read any books with magic or fantasy in them. I know it’s all fake, but how can I persuade her to let me read what I want?

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