Reevaluate Long-Distance Romance

Mon., July 31, 2000

Q. I met this guy at summer camp and we promised to have a long-distance relationship. In the meantime, I’ve started going out with another guy I can see on a regular basis. I’d like to keep up the camp relationship because he’s really more my type than the guy nearby, but I like going to movies and concerts with someone. I feel dishonest leading this double life. What should I do?

A. It sounds like being honest is important to you, which means you need to be truthful to both guys. Honesty will strengthen your self-esteem and possibly make your relationships stronger. Also, examine this long-distance relationship to see if it is best for you to commit to someone so far away. As you already have found, you like to hang out with people who live nearby. Redefining your long-distance relationship will allow this to happen in an honest manner. - Stacey Mainer, M.S.W. Adolescent and adult counseling

A. Dump the local guy you’re dating and be exclusive with the long-distance relationship. You made your commitment at camp and, by seeing another guy, you are cheating on your long-distance boyfriend. Instead of being romantically involved with two guys at once, take your friends to movies and concerts, call it a girl’s night and stay true to your summer-camp love.- Allene Callen, Sandpoint A. You knew a summer romance would be hard to keep going and you should have held to your end of the bargain. Does your long-distance love know how you feel? Chances are, he may be in a similar situation. Talk to him first, then tell your local guy what you’ve decided to do. With any luck, you’ll arrive at a logical solution that won’t hurt anyone too terribly. - Julie Kanago, Central Valley

Q. My mom’s really superstitious and won’t let me read any books with magic or fantasy in them. I know it’s all fake, but how can I persuade her to let me read what I want?

A. It sounds as though your mother worries about the influence these books might have on you. Although you disagree, I hope you understand she is trying to do what she thinks is best for you. What about asking her at what age she might she let you read these books? Perhaps she could read one of these books and have the two of you discuss it. This could help her recognize your maturity in handling these types of books.- Stacey Mainer

A. Has your mom ever read any of these books? Maybe she needs to know more about what you’re reading, as well as make sure you know the stuff isn’t real. Try to find some middle ground. Ask her to preview a book you’re interested in before you read it. Then you can talk about the book, which will not only help you understand what you’re reading but also help her know that you’re mature enough to handle it.- Julie Kanago

A. Your mom may be superstitious, but that may have little to do with her objection to fantasy novels. Many such stories contain explicit stuff she doesn’t want you to read. I’m a fantasy junkie, but there are some books I won’t touch because my mother has warned me about their content. Perhaps if you had your mother read a clean fantasy book, she would be more likely to let you read them anywhere. You might try a Mercedes Lackey, Susan Cooper or Terry Goodkind book to introduce her to the genre. Good luck.- Allene Callen

What’s your advice?

Q: My friends always pressure me to go to the beach. While they run around in their bathing suits talking to guys, I huddle under a tent, covered nearly head-to-toe in a T-shirt, shorts and towel. I don’t like going in public in a bathing suit, and the other girls tease me. What should I do?

Q. I love to surf the Internet. I spend a lot of time in chat rooms because I can meet new people. The other night I got to talking to someone who I really connected with who then started asking me some fairly intimate questions. What should I do the next time this happens?

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