Child Won’T Forget You In Short Time

Q. My husband and I are about to take a four-day trip, during which we plan to leave our 18-month-old daughter with my in-laws. Grandma works, but is planning on taking the time off to be with our daughter during the day.

We had arranged for a familiar baby sitter, but Grandma will have none of it. She also says that we shouldn’t be surprised if when we return, our daughter looks at us as if we are complete strangers.

This has caused me to have second thoughts about leaving at all.

A. I think you and your husband are right to go on a little trip together.

Our son and daughter-in-law left their first child with Willie and me for four days when he was 6 weeks old.

We encouraged them to do this sort of thing, reminding them that their marriage, not their children, came first and that it’s in the best interest of their children that it remain first.

I also think you are right about the sitter as well. Your daughter will do just fine with a familiar person. She may, in fact, do a little crying when Grandma hands her over in the morning, but this has a 99.9 percent chance of passing within minutes of Grandma walking out the door.

Parents (and grandparents!) need to realize that the fact a child cries is not indication the separation is going to be difficult. Rather, just that the act of separation is difficult.

The child gets over the act most quickly if the act is quick.

I also agree with Grandma. If she wants to take time off from her job to stay home with her granddaughter during the day, so be it. After all, Grandma will feel anxious all day at work. She won’t fare nearly as well at work as your daughter will at home with a sitter.

So, why not have two calm, secure people instead of just one?

Now, as my regular readers know, I generally agree with “Grandma,” but in this case, I must disagree with this particular grandmother on one key point, that being that when you arrive back home, your daughter may look at you as if she doesn’t know who you are.

C’mon, Grandma, you ought to know better!

That is nothing more than a combination of pure poppycock, refined balderdash and reconstituted frog feathers! Why Grandma would be trying to invoke the evil spirit of the attachment parenting demon is beyond me, but consider that a 4-month-old puppy recognizes his “master” after a week’s absence and re-bonds almost immediately.

I think we can safely assume that an 18-month-old intelligent human being will know who her parents are after a four-day separation.

Our grandson Jack, at 6 weeks, went right to his parents when they returned from a long weekend away.

No, you won’t come back to a child who is staring vacantly off into space, unresponsive, limp, refusing to eat, making no sounds.

You will return to your daughter. She will know you and greet you with as much enthusiasm as an 18-month-old can muster. She will not have to have recovered memory therapy at age 25, either.

But by all means, humor Grandma! Take everything she says with mock seriousness.

Don’t get into a debate with her over this, because you aren’t going to change her mind.

Just leave!

Go!

Have fun!