Connecting With Kids Goes Beyond Words

No one seemed shy. Not the girl who belted out “Georgia” nor the girls who did a tasteful version of an MTV video dance nor the rock band who screamed impossible-to-understand lyrics.

It was the annual talent show at Evergreen Junior High School in the Spokane Valley. I was there to see my nephew Graham perform in the rock band. Those in the talent show weren’t embarrassed, and audience members - junior high students enjoying a Friday afternoon - were polite and encouraging.

A year ago, I might have been bewildered at witnessing junior high kids who weren’t embarrassed or mocking. But I’ve spent most of the past year immersed in the world of young people, and I learned that Generation Y (kids born after 1977) love to express themselves. Most don’t mind looking silly, and the tolerance level for others’ self-expression is high, too.

In addition to the Gen Y Values Project, I also participated in the Key Moments series, which begins today. I interviewed kids and experts on kids, and I conducted several writing workshops with children and teens. From these two projects, I gained some insight into today’s young people, especially ways in which adults can better connect to them.

Let them tell their stories.

Young people are working hard to make sense of their lives. Their “narratives” can seem much more complicated than narratives of generations past.

For the Key Moments project, we asked fourth-graders throughout the Inland Northwest to tell us about their lives. More than 800 did. The essays were funny, touching and fascinating. (Some will appear in the newspaper and on our Web site June 20 at www.spokane.net/4thgraders).

Because telling their stories helps anchor young people in their family and community, adults should provide forums for story-telling. These can include campfires, after-dinner chats, journal writing and videotaping.

Adults should emulate Jane Goodall.

Anthropologist Goodall realized early in her career that she knew nothing about primates. So she entered their world, quietly, with notebook in hand.

Adults should approach young people almost as if they were a different species. Talk less, listen more. The teens told us that many adults chatter too much and make assumptions about today’s teens based on their own experiences decades ago. Adults interrupt and give advice, even when it hasn’t been asked for.

Find a way to “hang out” with young people that doesn’t include a lot of talking.

The teens said they like spending time with their parents, and they do enjoy conversations with them, but they also appreciate the nonverbal times. It’s a break from the sometimes intense child-parent relationship.

So they recommended renting and watching videos together. The adult can choose a movie one week, the teen the next. They said going to church together is another way to spend time without too much talking.

And one psychologist interviewed for the Key Moments series recommends that parents play catch with their children, especially divorced parents. Making the transition between houses is hard on kids, though they might never talk about it. Throwing a ball back and forth reconnects them to the parent - and to the bigger world.