Signs You’Ll Never Graduate

Mon., June 12, 2000

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10. Your World History term paper was entitled “Papa Smurf is a Commie.”

9. You can’t read this Top 10 list because the reading level is six years too high.

8. You’ve just received tenure.

7. You got into the Quantum Astrophysics course at MIT based soley on your charm.

6. Your communications teacher just told you to shut up.

5. You can keep your books at the end of the year because you’ll need them next year.

4. You don’t even qualify for a certificate of attendance.

3. Your son sits behind you in American Government.

2. Every time you take the SAT, you get to the fifth math question, then cry and curl up in the fetal position.

And the No. 1 reason you’ll never graduate: Why should you? Your parents support you, and the real word is a pain.

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