Friend Thinks I’M Stealing Her Show

Mon., March 20, 2000

Q. My friend thinks I’m trying to take all the guys she has a crush on. How can I convince her I’m not? We’ve been friends since the beginning of the school year, and I want to remain friends.

A. I think it is very positive that your friend tells you what is bothering her. To better understand her point of view, ask her what you do that makes her think you are trying to take the guys she likes. Once you know this, you can decide if you need to change something. This sounds like a friendship that means a great deal to you and talking this through with her will only strengthen the friendship. - Stacey Mainer, M.S.W. adolescent and adult counseling

A. There’s no reason you should have to end your friendship over this. Do you know what is making her think this about you? If it’s just that you agree with her about which guys are attractive, try to explain to her that liking a guy doesn’t mean you’re going to go after him. If you really are finding yourself flirting with guys that she likes in front of her a lot, then you need to examine your own behavior. - Kathy Bula, East Valley

Q. I’m not what most girls would consider “good-looking” but I am a very nice guy who would treat a girl well. It seems girls just don’t want to look past my outward appearance and see the real me. It’s getting depressing. Is there anything I can do?

A. Although it is very hard, be sure to remind yourself that this will change. There are many girls who appreciate the character of the person rather than outward appearances. For some reason you are not meeting them or you are missing opportunities to let girls know who you really are.

Could you meet new people at different activities or through various friends? Also, are you making efforts to first get to know girls as friends and then see what develops? With friendships, the qualities of a person come out. This would be one way for girls to know the real you and then a relationship might develop. - Stacey Mainer

A. Any girl who can’t get past your outward appearance isn’t worth having.

It’s that simple. Being lonely is really rough, but it’s better than being with someone who can’t appreciate your inner qualities. So stick it out, because it’s only a matter of time before you find someone who can appreciate you for who you are. - Kathy Bula

What’s your advice?

Q. In the past couple of months, two of my friends have started taking prescription anti-depressant medications. The medications do seem to be helping because instead of being so negative and down all the time, they’ve been happier and more positive. The thing is I never considered myself depressed, but compared to them, I’m now the negative one, the one who is always complaining about things. It’s starting to make me wonder if I too need to be taking medication. Do you think I should be evaluated? How can I talk to my parents about this? I don’t want people to think that I’m looking to take drugs just because my friends are, because I’m not.

Q. I moved to Spokane a few months ago from a much bigger city where there was a lot more variety in styles and attitudes. I’ve had a hard time fitting in here because everyone seems so conservative both in the way they think and the clothes they wear. I’m a good student, and I don’t get into much trouble, but I think people are stereotyping me because of the way I dress, which is mainstream where I came from. I’m afraid that if I’m ever going to fit in, I’m going to have to start dressing in a way that’s not me. What should I do?

Local journalism is essential.

Give directly to The Spokesman-Review's Northwest Passages community forums series -- which helps to offset the costs of several reporter and editor positions at the newspaper -- by using the easy options below. Gifts processed in this system are tax deductible.

Meet Our Journalists

Jesse Tinsley

Meet Jesse Tinsley. As a certified drone pilot, this veteran Spokesman-Review photographer often can be seen capturing beautiful aerial photographs of our region. Sometimes though, the job requires getting down with the dogs.
Jim Meehan

Jim Meehan is no stranger to Zag Nation. As the lead writer covering the Gonzaga men’s basketball team, he tells the stories behind the game and gets fans a bit closer to their favorite players.
Molly Quinn

There is no artist in Spokane like Molly Quinn. Her whimsical style is instantly recognizable to readers of The Spokesman-Review. She has painted gorgeous illustrations that instantly elevate the journalism accompanying it. She brings to life the stories that defy photography. She makes our pages better.
Rob Curley

Spokesman-Review editor Rob Curley loves to talk with people and learn about their lives, whether it's a best-selling author or a stranger he meets downtown on his walk to lunch. It's that inquisitive nature combined with a playful sense of storytelling that helps make our newspaper different than most.