Good To Evaluate Friend’S Criticism
Q. My best friend said something that really hurt me at first, but now it’s making me think and wonder if there’s something wrong with me. She called me a tease and told me that I have a tendency to flirt with every guy I meet but then as soon as he shows the slightest interest I insult him with very sarcastic remarks. She even went as far to say that I am a mean person because of this. Now when we go out, we don’t have as much fun because she is either mad at me for it or I’m totally quiet because I don’t know what to say to people we meet.
A. Many people become defensive when there is criticism. I think it is positive that you are evaluating what your friend told you. It doesn’t mean however, that you have to agree with how she sees you.
If you think she is right and want to change your behavior it will take time to relate differently to guys. If you disagree with her, I’d talk with her about this. I believe what is most important, is for you to treat guys in a genuine, respectful way. This will help ensure that you will have relationships with people who treat you in the same manner.- Stacey Mainer, M.S.W. Adolescent & Adult counseling
A. When your best friend said what she did she probably thought she was helping. But instead she made the situation worse. The best thing to do now is confront your friend and find out how she honestly feels. You need to tell her how you feel about what she said and try to repair your friendship. I believe that your people skills will work out. You just need to be polite and try to avoid sarcastic remarks.- Jennifer Kassner, Shadle Park
Q. I live with my grandparents, and they’ve been absolutely wonderful to me. But now that I’m getting closer to graduation and wanting to be on my own, there’s a lot more tension between us. I appreciate everything they’ve done for me but they’re not willing to let me go. It’s like they want to hold on to me forever. How can I grow up without hurting them?
A. I can imagine it’s difficult for your grandparents to let you go as you hold a special place for them. As hard as you try, you can’t protect them from feeling sad about you leaving.
It is very important, however, that you focus on growing up and leaving home. Perhaps if you could talk to them about the tension and that you’re worried about hurting them, that will make it easier for the three of you to figure out how to work it out together.
Even though you’re going to be leaving home, you can assure them you’re not leaving them. Of course things will change, but staying in contact with them will diminish the distance.- Stacey Mainer
A. The tension between your grandparents and you might be their fear that you are soon leaving home. Try sitting down with your grandparents and talking about what is uneasy between you. Be straightforward with them and tell them what your plans are following graduation. And tell them every chance you get how much you appreciate everything they have done for you. Maybe by opening up communication and letting them know how you feel, it will set their minds at ease.- Jennifer Kassner
What’s your advice?
Q: I know someone at school who is having a real hard time with his family. He doesn’t live at home anymore. He just goes from one friend’s house to the next. Lately he seems very sad and uninterested in school. I don’t know him that well - we’re not great friends - we just have a couple of classes together. But I can’t stop thinking about him and wishing there was something I could do to help. Is there?
Q. I missed my curfew one time by 10 minutes and now my parents are treating me as if I’m a completely irresponsible person. They won’t let me go anywhere with my friends at night, and they’re always asking questions about where I’ve been, what exactly I’ve been doing, etc. I’ve never done anything to break their trust, so I don’t know why they’re overreacting to this one little incident. If they don’t lighten up a bit, I’m going to go crazy.