Stiffed By The President

When the Quad City River Bandits provided some baseball caps for President Clinton, they expected something in return. They say they haven’t gotten it.

River Bandits general manager Tim Bawmann said a White House representative contacted the Midwest League club earlier this week, seeking 60 River Bandits caps for members of the entourage accompanying Clinton to Davenport, Iowa, on Wednesday.

The caps were handed over, with a request for one dozen baseballs autographed by the president, or an autographed photo of Clinton wearing the red-and-black River Bandits hat.

The hats, with a retail value of $20 apiece, were delivered as promised, but the River Bandits haven’t received their baseballs.

Team president Kevin Krause said he isn’t optimistic about getting anything in exchange from the White House.

“I guess I’m not used to the workings of the higher-up political world,” Krause said. “I thought there was supposed to be some give and take. I guess it was just take.”

It’s kind of like tax and spend, tax and spend.

Sign ‘em up

David Letterman, talking about Elian Gonzalez being visited by his young Cuban friends: “The kids are already being scouted by the Yankees.”

Could you repeat that in English?

Jalen Rose of the Indiana Pacers had this retort to a heckler, as he came back to the court for a postgame interview:

“The price of your ticket don’t pay for you to talk stupid to me!”

Looking for buried treasure

Two College of Charleston baseball players have been charged with burglary after police allegedly found one of them in a crawl space under a municipal judge’s home while the other stood outside.

Lucas Hocker, 22, of Arkansas City, Kan., and Tom Perrin, 22, of Wellington, Fla., were arrested Thursday and charged with burglary at the Charleston, S.C., home of Municipal Judge Michael Molony. Hocker and Perrin said nothing at a preliminary hearing later that day and police have not offered any possible motive.

The last word …

“Anybody can shoot free throws better than him.”

- Tausha Mills of Alabama, the second overall pick in the WNBA draft and a notoriously poor free-throw shooter, when asked if she could shoot them better than Shaquille O’Neal.