Estranged Boy Needs Help, A Friend
Q. I know someone at school who is having a real hard time with his family. He doesn’t live at home anymore, he just goes from one friend’s house to the next. Lately he seems very sad and uninterested in school. I don’t know him that well. We’re not great friends. We just have a couple of classes together. But I can’t stop thinking about him and wishing there was something I could do to help. Is there?
A. I admire your sensitivity and compassion toward this young man. From what you have written, I think a teacher or a counselor needs to be involved. They will know of resources in Spokane that will be able to help him. There are a couple of ways to approach this. One would be to tell him you are worried and see if he will go with you to the counselor. Another idea is to tell the counselor or teacher about this student and see if they will speak to him. I wish more people would recognize when others are struggling. Although by yourself you won’t be able to solve his problems, knowing that you care about his well-being will probably mean a great deal to him.- Stacey Mainer, M.S.W. Adolescent & Adult counseling
A. Talk to the boy. Let him know that you’re worried abut him, and you want to be a support for him. Even if you can’t offer him a home, you can at least offer friendship, a shoulder to cry on, someone to talk with or just someone who will listen and care.- Jennifer Kassner, Shadle Park
Q. I missed my curfew one time by 10 minutes. Now my parents are treating me as if I’m a completely irresponsible person. They won’t let me go anywhere with my friends at night. They’re always asking questions about where I’ve been, what exactly I’ve been doing, etc. I’ve never done anything to break their trust, so I don’t know why they’re overreacting to this one little incident. If they don’t lighten up a bit, I’m going to go crazy.
A. Ask your parents if there are other things upsetting them. Although it may have been the first time you were late, perhaps you are showing other behaviors or attitudes that are bothering them. It is also important to apologize for being late. This will let them know you are accepting responsibility for your actions. In addition, ask what you need to do to change the way things are between you and your parents. It is also important to tell them that it upsets you that they see you as irresponsible versus having made a mistake.- Stacey Mainer
A. It is always easy to lose a parent’s trust, but it is hard to gain that trust back. Right now your goal should be to earn their trust. When they check up on you and want to know where you’re going, it’s their way of seeing how trustworthy you are being. I advise you to go along with your parents for now. Don’t be late and don’t give them any hassle. It will take time, but it is the only way to earn their trust back. - Jennifer Kassner
What’s your advice?
Q: My mom is very sick in the hospital with cancer. She’s been there for two weeks, and I can tell my dad is getting really stressed. He hasn’t even opened the mail in days. I keep telling them that I can miss a few days of school once in a while to help out with things around the house and stay at the hospital with my mom so my dad can have a break. But they both keep saying no, that I have to stay in school. It’s driving me crazy. I can’t concentrate at school with all this going on, and I think I’d be of more help at home and the hospital. My mom means more to me than school. I’m a good student, and I can always make up the work when things get better. How can I get them to understand that not only do I want to help, I need to?
Q. My little sister is a snoop. She’s 5 years younger than I am, and I keep finding her in my room, in my stuff. The other day I found her reading letters a friend wrote me. It’s pretty personal stuff. I’ve told her to stay out of my stuff and so have my parents, but she doesn’t listen. Any suggestions?