Bottom Lines A Satirical Look At Topics In The News

Sun., May 21, 2000

By Jim Kershner jimkershner@comcast.net

This seems to be the only way to get good ratings

Here’s how to get a TV station to televise the Lilac Festival Parade: Rename it “Who Wants to Win the Grand Sweepstakes Award!”

Maybe they didn’t pay enough heed to the `planned’ part of the phrase

The events at Los Alamos have me thinking about the phrase “planned burn.” Is this, lexicologically speaking, the same thing as a “planned disaster”?

The flag will fly proudly from rig to shining rig

South Carolina has reached a compromise. The Confederate flag will be hauled down from the State House and moved to a new place of honor, the pickup-truck antennas of every Bubba in the state.

Does this marriage constitute an unfair monopoly?

The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation awarded leadership grants to 145 teachers in Spokane. Unfortunately, this might be slashed to 72.5 if the Justice Department decides it must split Bill off from Melinda.

Both will have to be cleared away by shovels

20 years ago this week, Spokane was paralyzed by a cloud of volcanic ash. We’re much better off today. We’re merely paralyzed by clouds of hot air.

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