Friend’S Invitation Too Much Too Soon

Q. A friend invited me to spend three weeks with her family at their lake cabin this summer. We haven’t really hung out outside of school much, and I don’t know if I’m ready to spend that much time with her and her family. I don’t want to hurt her feelings by saying no. Any suggestions?

A. First ask yourself if you want to be better friends with this classmate. If you find that you don’t, you may want to consider thanking her and turning down the invitation. If this is a friendship you want to develop, could you let her know your are looking forward to getting to know her better but that three weeks is too long for you? Being honest about your feelings is less likely to be hurtful and can strengthen the relationship. You can also begin building the friendship by asking her to do something outside of school.- Stacey Mainer, M.S.W. adolescent and adult counseling

A. It was very thoughtful of your friend to invite you to her lake cabin. If I were you, I would accept the invitation because it might be a neat chance to develop a new friendship. If you really don’t want to go, just be straightforward and honest with your friend and say you don’t feel comfortable with the invitation. - Jennifer Kassner, Shadle Park

Q. I am overweight, and a lot of people make fun of me, not to my face, mostly to others, and then I overhear comments. It’s starting to make me very angry. What can I do to make them stop?

A. I can imagine that these comments are making you very angry and perhaps hurting your feelings. Responding assertively to these rude and insensitive remarks could help you to feel more in charge of the situation and may prevent further unkindness. This will give the message that you are strong and don’t want to be treated that way. Even if they continue to make these comments, you are still defending your self-worth, which is most important.- Stacey Mainer

A. Being overweight often draws many negative comments from people. Sometimes it is very difficult to not be hurt by what is said. My opinion is that you should confront the people making the comments and tell them how you feel. If the teasing doesn’t stop, go to an adult you trust and tell him or her. Another option is to try to ignore the comments. - Jennifer Kassner

This sidebar appeared with the story: WHAT’S YOUR ADVICE? What graduates should know

The Class of 2000 is about to venture out into that cold, dark world everyone has been warning them about for years. Last year, the Chicago Tribune column-turned hit song “Everybody’s Free (to wear sunscreen)” burned through the airwaves and plastered e-mail boxes as people ate up its simple advice.

Remember: “Don’t worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.”?

And, “Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don’t.”?

We’re not suggesting that the once-trendy song should be resurrected this year, but we are looking for advice to this year’s graduating class. What should the new graduates know? What should they do? What shouldn’t they do? Send your advice to Our Generation/Advice, 999 W. Riverside, Spokane, WA 99201. Fax (509) 459-5098 or e-mail ourgeneration@spokesman.com.