Explain Decision To Focus On School
Q. I’ve been playing basketball since I was really little and I’ve played on some select teams. I’m dealing with a lot of stress from school this year and I’m thinking about quitting or at least stopping basketball for awhile. I want to focus more on school and some of my other activities. How do I tell my parents and coach I don’t want to play anymore?
A. Certainly part of going through your teen years is looking at different areas of your life and having it makes sense with your present and future goals.
It sounds like you know the academics are more important to you than focusing on your athletics - at least at this time.
People might be surprised or even disappointed as you make this change because playing basketball is part of how they see you. It sounds, however, like you know it is only a part of you and that a greater priority is the academics.
And it will be important to tell them that even if they do not understand, this is your decision and you really need their support. - Stacey Mainer, M.S.W. adolescent and adult counseling
A. I can understand what a hard decision you must be making by wanting to give up basketball. Your focusing on realistic goals for your future. You need to be straightforward with your coach and parents, telling them you’re feeling stressed or want to have more time to work on schoolwork and improve your grades. - Jennifer Kassner, Spokane Falls Community College
Q. My question is simple: Can my parents tell me who I can and can’t hang out with? My mom constantly is harping at me about my friends. She doesn’t like the way they dress and the way they talk, and she keeps threatening to move us away if I don’t change my crowd. I like my friends, and I’m a good student who has never been in any trouble with the law. Help me!
A. Unfortunately this is not a simple answer. I think parents can influence who you hang out with and actually have a responsibility to do so.
Their job is to guide you through these years so that when you are independent you make good decisions and have close healthy relationships.
When I hear parents and teens argue over friends, I find there are greater issues that often don’t get resolved. It sounds like this is happening in your family.
I am really struck with your mom’s commitment towards you. That she would move your family speaks a great deal of her worry and love for you. Working with a counselor could help your family get past the battle with friends and sort out the other problems. - Stacey Mainer, M.S.W. Adolescent and Adult Counseling
A. A simple answer is, yes parents should have say but no they can’t control who you hang out with. It is all a matter of free will.
Your parents can say don’t hang out with your group of friends, but most won’t hang around 24/7 to make sure you don’t. But you must realize you’re responsible for your own actions. If you get in trouble with your friends, you must face the consequences and don’t even think about blaming your parents. - Jennifer Kassner, Spokane Falls Community College
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