Let Your Love, Loyalty Guide You
Q. I just found out my brother is gay. How should I handle this?
A. For some people, having a gay relative makes them uncomfortable. This could be for several reasons, ranging from the belief that homosexuality is wrong to not knowing what to say to the relative or to the relative’s partner. These feelings can be a chance to clarify your thinking and decide what is most important to you. The first thing you need to understand is what your relationship with your brother means to you. Keeping in mind the importance of family relationships often helps a person relate in a positive, supportive manner because love and loyalty outweigh the different lifestyle a sibling has adopted. Be honest with him if you have questions or you struggle with what to say to him. I think he will appreciate this. Again, I hope family values such as loyalty, love, commitment and honesty guide you in how you respond and relate to your brother. - Stacey Mainer, M.S.W. adolescent and adult counseling
A. I think that you should remember your brother is still your brother. His decision shouldn’t affect your relationship. I think you should accept the fact that he is different and that he is proud. You also should be proud that he worked up the courage to let people know instead of lying or keeping his feelings inside. - Keyanna Dos Santos, Shadle
A. Just don’t worry about it. Your brother’s choice is a personal one, and it really shouldn’t affect you. If it makes you uncomfortable, talk to him or ask your parents to let you talk to a professional. - Jake Farley, Mead
Q. How do I blow someone off without hurting his or her feelings?
A. It is best if you are honest with the person about ending the relationship. Focusing on why you need to end it rather than blaming the person for who they are, will cause fewer hurt feelings. For instance, you could say “I am not ready for such a serious relationship” rather than saying “You are demanding.” The person will walk away understanding the ending is about differences rather than thinking he or she isn’t good enough. This person may still be disappointed and hurt, but I think much less so than if you ignored or lied to him or her. - Stacey Mainer
A. You never just blow someone off because 99 percent of the time you’re going to hurt that person’s feelings. If you don’t want to do something, tell them you aren’t interested or that you have other plans. Don’t just say you’ll go and then never show. It is just a common courtesy. Remember the golden rule: Treat others as you want to be treated. - Jennifer Kassner, Spokane Falls Community College
A. To put it bluntly, you can’t. Getting rejected is not going to be fun for the person no matter how you do it. You can try to minimize the ego blow by being gentle, but there’s really no way to keep it from hurting. The least you can do is not tell anyone who isn’t involved in the situation about it. That way, you can avoid humiliating the person and magnifying his or her feelings of rejection. - Kathy Bula, East Valley
What’s your advice?
Q: I’ve been dating someone of a different race and hiding it from my parents. We’re starting to get serious, and I want to tell my parents. I’m not sure how they’ll react. What should I do?
Q. I’m a teenager and the oldest of three kids. Ever since I was little, my parents have set and kept these rigid guidelines dealing with things like bed times and how old I had to be to get a raise in my allowance. With my little brother and sister, they raise their allowance all the time and barely notice when they go to bed. I don’t understand why I have to fight for everything, and they just get it. How can I convince my parents to handle us all the same?