Senate Race Recount A Dozer?

Thu., Nov. 30, 2000

D.F. Oliveria The Spokesman-Re

P’haps Ellis Conklin hasn’t paid attention to the goings on in Flori-duh. Last week, Maria Cantwell’s campaign flack declared that Millionaire Maria’s unofficial win of 1,953 votes over Slender Slade Gorton was “utterly bulletproof.” Similarly, Secretary of State Ralph Munro said the recount will be as exciting as “watching grass grow.” Either the two have more faith in election machines than national Dimplecrats or they realize that the nation’s legal Crips and Bloods will be tied up in Flori-duh until Weird Al or Lower Case Dubya cries, “Uncle.”

Thanksgiving hate mail gets a turkey of an award

The first Gore-inch Who Stole Christmas Award this holiday season goes to - Vincent Bertollini. Just before Thanksgiving, the Sandpoint supremacist mailed out another of his fliers bashing Jews and local human rights advocates. Mebbe little Cindy Lou-Who should visit Mr. B, too … Hey, Mr. & Mrs. Spokane, do you still think pornography is a victimless crime? … It’s time for them to go. Sore-Loserman? Nah. The cast of “Survivor.” How many more times are Richard, Susan, Rudy and Gervase going to milk their 15 minutes of fame? … French Fries (or, “What It’ll Take to Re-sign Alex Rodriguez”): 1, Two hundred million clams over 10 years; 2, Jet charter service for family; 3, Guaranteed world championship; 4, Constant pampering; and 5, More than the Mariners have to offer.

Hey, Bub, who are you calling a `potatohead’?

Lezzee. Spuds from the Columbia Basin are now Washington’s No. 2 cash crop. And only four legislators from east of the Cascades are Dimplecrats (including three from Spokaloo). In other words, Eastern Washington could be considered Western Idaho … Dimples are to legitimate votes what presidential parsing is to “is” … The battle for the dimples lowlight one glaring problem with most of today’s election ballots. Every race should have a candidate listed as “None of the above” … Repuglycans share much in common with that movie - “Waiting to Exhale” … Quotable Quote: “I still don’t agree with the decision they made on it. It affects too many people around here and there’s too much potential for damage and altering people’s lives” - Hauser Mayor Ed Peone dissing the Burlington Northern Santa Fe depot project … This edition of Hot Potatoes was brought to you by the No. 537. Or, Lower Case Dubya’s certified Flori-duh victory margin. Or, the Fat Lady’s warming up.

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