Dying Wish
A subject that has been taboo in America’s youth-obsessed culture is rumbling to the surface. Each year half the U.S. population is touched by the death of a relative or a close friend. For many, the tragedy is aggravated by the conflict, crisis and pain that often shadow the end of life.
Yet research by the National Hospice Foundation found that Americans are more willing to talk about safe sex and drugs with their children than to discuss end-of-life care with their terminally ill parents.
Meanwhile, a rising chorus of patients and their families, health-care professionals and concerned citizens are advocating for better care for the dying. But what is the vision of death and dying and in whose hands should it lie?
A movement is under way in Spokane to bring this subject to the surface. For two years, under the direction of Hospice of Spokane, a group of concerned professionals has been meeting as the End-of-Life Consortium — a place to gather every couple of months and talk about the end-of-life care being provided in Spokane and how to make it better.
Last January the End-of-Life Consortium learned about a Public Broadcasting System series that will appear this month, “On Our Own Terms: Moyers on Dying.” The series sparked the group’s interest, and discussion quickly turned into action.
(“On Our Own Terms” will air from 8 to 9:30 p.m. Sept. 10-13 on KSPS Public Television, Channel 7 in Spokane.)
The Consortium, along with more than 60 additional community members, received training to hold conversations in conjunction with “On Our Own Terms.” Representatives from health-care facilities, social service agencies, higher education institutions, senior groups, faith communities and the media attended an introduction. This was an issue people wanted to talk about.
A steering committee was formed and planning began for a communitywide outreach effort to support the PBS series.
Task forces developed strategies to encourage various stakeholders and interest groups to watch the series and discuss it with friends, family and neighbors. Retirement community chaplains have invited their residents and families to watch the program together and begin these valuable discussions. Holy Family Hospital is inviting its neighboring community in to view the series and discuss it over lunch.
A discussion guide is available and facilitators have been trained to lead conversations. The Spokane Area Chamber of Commerce sent information about the program to its members. Mayor John Talbott and the Spokane City Council heard a presentation about the series.
The opportunity to broaden the conversation around end-of-life issues is phenomenal.
Producer Bill Moyers presents the intimate, end-of-life journeys of more than a dozen individuals, their families and their caregivers as they struggle to balance medical interventions with comfort and dignity at the end of life. Filled with honesty and humor, courage and controversy, the series breaks through the culture of denial to wrestle with how we can better die in America.
The Moyers series is designed to spark thoughtful, serious, personal conversations about the kinds of experiences Americans would want for themselves or loved ones as the inevitable end of life draws near.
What constitutes a death of one’s own is by no means a unanimous opinion. In our work, we have seen hopes and desires that run the gamut.
For one client, it may be a high priority to die at home, while others prefer the support and confidence found in an institution such as a skilled nursing facility or hospital.
We know of cases where the focus of conversation is on reliving the past and sharing old memories, while other clients would focus on the now, the future.
Some people travel a deep spiritual journey at the end of life. For others, there may be a strong commitment to healing family relationships.
For everyone, the focus is different. And that is the point. Unless you have these conversations with your loved ones, you will not know their hopes, their desires, their wishes at the end of life.
It can be difficult to begin talking about death and dying with your family. It can seem emotional, sad and frightening. Yet talking can help provide peace of mind. It may be easier to think of it as an opportunity to share not how we want to die, but how we want to live.
We urge everyone to watch the series and to talk with family, friends, and neighbors about it. While you are still able to communicate effectively, let your loved ones know how you’d want to be treated if confronting a terminal illness. Tell them your personal needs and choices about the end of life.
Living wills and other advance directives can be useful tools for communicating your preferences, but only if they are a first step for generating personal conversations on the most intimate of subjects.
Start the conversation now, before a crisis occurs. When there is an emergency and people feel pushed to make decisions, those involved may feel too anxious or preoccupied to talk about what is going on.
The Moyers series can be a catalyst for discussions about when you would want medical treatment to provide comfort rather than prolong life; whom you would want to make your health-care decisions if you could not speak for yourself; what your religious, cultural or philosophical beliefs are about death and dying; and how you want to live at the end of your life.
We envision a community where death and dying are a respected part of life, just as childbirth is celebrated. Help Spokane become such a place.
This sidebar appeared with the story: CONTACT
Readers who are interested in joining discussion groups about “On Our Own Terms” may call Hospice of Spokane at 456-0438. The series will be on KSPS Public Television, Channel 7 in Spokane, from 8 to 9:30 p.m. beginning next Sunday, Sept. 10, and running nightly through Wednesday, Sept. 13.
A discussion guide can be found on the worldwide Web at www.pbs.org/onourownterms.
If you would like to share your reactions to the series or your thoughts on the issue, you may submit them to Doug Floyd, Interactive Editor, in care of The Spokesman-Review, 999 W. Riverside Ave., Spokane, WA 99201. You also may submit them by e-mail to dougf@spokesman.com or by fax to 509-459-3815.
As many replies as space allows will be printed on the Perspective page on Sunday, Sept. 24.