Compromise With Mom On Makeup
Q. I’m 12 years old, and my mom treats me like I’m a kid. Even my aunt keeps telling her to loosen up. My mom says I can’t wear belly shirts or makeup, and she won’t let me talk to boys on the telephone. What should I do?
A. What about a heart-to-heart talk with your mom? Ask her if there could be any compromises. Maybe talking to her will let you know how your parents plan to gradually increase your privileges over time. Early teen years can be very difficult for teens and parents as this often is when opinions and tastes first begin to differ. Typically, as the teen gets older, parents give their kids more chances to make their own decisions. Knowing this will happen may help you be more patient. - Stacey Mainer, M.S.W. adolescent and adult counseling
A. Hon, you’re barely a teenager! But honestly, I felt the same way when I was your age. I tried to talk to my mom. I planned ahead, too, asking her a few days in advance so we could set aside time to talk. Tell her that you feel as though you’re mature enough to wear makeup and belly shirts. Include her: Ask her for makeup tips or about the colors she thinks look good on you. That will make her feel as though her opinion is important to you. It also might make her feel more open-minded. Good luck! - Keyanna Dos Santos, Shadle
A. In most cases, that kind of treatment from a parent means they’re worried you are growing up too fast, and they aren’t ready to see you leave when the time comes. You can try helping more around the house to let your mom see how mature you are. Maybe she’ll give you more privileges. - Ashley Ellerd, Shadle
Q. I’m an only child, and my parents are getting a divorce. It’s like they don’t even care about me anymore. They’re so busy starting their new lives. I haven’t told my friends because they wouldn’t believe me. They think I’m spoiled because I don’t have to share anything with siblings. I don’t have anyone to talk to about this, and I’m really depressed. Please help!
A. This must be very lonely and sad for you. Sometimes during a divorce, parents get so caught up in everything that’s involved they miss out on what their children need. And if the child doesn’t tell them how he or she is feeling, the parents can believe everything is fine. What about telling your parents all you are feeling and asking them for more support and time. I also think they need to know that you are really depressed. Seeing a counselor is important. It would give you someone to share your feelings with and help you find ways to deal with this very difficult issue. If you find your parents don’t understand this, please speak right away with a school counselor. The counselor could be a great help to you. - Stacey Mainer
A. I think you should talk to your parents about how you feel. If you don’t tell them, they can’t do anything about it because they don’t know. You also might try talking to a counselor to help deal with your depression. And, tell your friends, because they may be able to help. If they don’t believe you, they’re not very good friends. - Ashley Ellerd
A. Right now, your parents are in the middle of a tough situation. They need time to adjust to their new lives. But remember, they do care about you. They’re just doing things in their own time. Your friends may not believe you because they have the impression your life is perfect, when in reality you have problems like everyone. Try talking to your parents and explain how you feel because sometimes, when your friends won’t listen, your parents will. - Jennifer Kassner, Shadle
What’s your advice?
Q. Is it normal for a teenager to contemplate suicide? Every time I think about it, I chase the thought away, and it’s not like I really plan to do it. But that doesn’t stop me from thinking about it every once in a while. And don’t tell me to talk to my parents. They wouldn’t understand. They’re always saying I don’t know what stress is, so I doubt they’d do anything but tell me I’m being silly.
Q. How can I become less shy and more outgoing? I just clam up in social settings, like football games and dances. I always think about what I could have said that might have been interesting, but not until I’m home in bed. Help me.