Teens’ Brains Are Just Different
As a parent of two teenagers I frequently ask myself, “What were they thinking?” They sometimes do odd, dangerous and not-well-thought-out things. Now I know: It’s their amygdalae.
The amygdala is an almond-shaped part of gray matter in the front part of the temporal lobe of the brain. Yes, your teen’s brain really is different. This is the part of the brain that pretty much controls the way teens act through age 18. Barbara Cooke of the Family Education Network writes that adolescent brains aren’t “hard wired” like adult brains.
Researchers have discovered that adults think with the prefrontal cortex, the rational part of the brain, but teens process information with the amygdala, the instinctual, emotional part of the brain. This causes teens to act impulsively, making them moody and unpredictable.
Ruth Kraus of the University of Chicago’s Child Psychiatry Clinic says, “Adolescence is a time when everything is out of kilter, and nothing is stable in the body or mind. It’s the second time that kids act like they’re 2 years old.” She advises that parents need to step in as the “designated” prefrontal cortex and dispense common sense, guidance and advice. Empathize and let your teen know that impulses are hard to fight, but the end results could be dangerous. They should look at both sides of an issue and consider the consequences. Be there for them and, most importantly, develop a sense of humor.
* Kids getting older younger: Sesame Street Parents Magazine conducted a survey of 375 moms of kids ages 12 and younger to see how mothers are coping with the trend of kids growing up too fast. The survey found that moms are not only concerned by the trend, they are trying to slow down the clock. They are delaying activities their mothers would have thought appropriate for much younger children such as using public restrooms (9.8 years), walking home from school (11 years), staying home alone (12.2 years), taking a bus, train, plane (13.5 years), and riding a two-wheeler bike on the street (8.8 years).
In preparation for the “big bad world” they are also feeling the need to discuss sensitive safety issues like alcohol and inappropriate touching at much earlier ages than their parents did. Ninety-three percent said it is harder to be a mom these days.
* Timeout guidelines: Parents are choosing timeouts as the discipline method of choice, abandoning methods like spanking. In her book “Well-Behaved Children: 100 tips from Parents Who Have Them,” (Seaview Press, $9.95) author Devra Doiron says that parents need to start using timeouts that actually teach a lesson.
The most important part of timeouts is sending your child to an out-of-the-way location for a specified amount of time. Keep timeouts from becoming “good times” by insisting kids can’t talk, watch TV or play with toys.
A good way to determine the length of timeout is to use the child’s age. A 2-year-old should stay for two minutes, a 3-year-old for three minutes. If the child refuses to sit quietly until the time is up, you’ll have to resort to a stronger form of discipline, perhaps a long stay in her room or revoking a privilege like dessert or TV.