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The Spokesman-Review Newspaper
Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

Parents hovering on campus


Incoming WSU freshman Heather Henderson, of Tacoma, gets help from her mother, Sandy, and father, Rich, while moving into her dorm room in Rogers Hall. 
 (Kevin Nibur/ / The Spokesman-Review)

Some come with lists and some leave with tears.

It’s that time of year when thousands of parents bring their freshmen to school at Washington State University and the University of Idaho, following a tradition more than a century long. Hundreds more will hit Gonzaga University on Friday.

But while parents in the past simply left their progeny at the dormitory doorstep, promising to see them again at Thanksgiving, this new group is hanging on. They’re touring campus, buying books, decorating rooms and planning to stop back in a few weeks to get groceries.

The Hendersons of Tacoma helped their daughter Heather unload her pieces of home at WSU’s Rogers Hall early Thursday morning.

More than once, Sandy Henderson reached out to adjust her daughter’s hair and Rich Henderson offered advice on which side of the room she should pick. They both combed over her new space, looking for drawers, closets and outlets as they filled the room with boxes, blankets and bags.

Sandy and Rich Henderson don’t remember their parents being this involved when they started college. Yes, Heather chose the school and packed her clothes, but the Hendersons were in the wings ready to offer advice and look over her classes to make sure they fit with her major. Once school starts, they plan to check in two or three times a week.

“The parents today like to be much more involved,” said Marsh Allen Smith, a residence education director in Rogers Hall. “I call them hoverers. They are just really intense.”

It could be because getting into college seems more competitive nowadays, or it may be that with rising tuition and other costs, parents feel more invested in their children’s schooling now. This group of baby boomers just doesn’t let go after high school.

Smith’s parents were very different when he was a freshman six years ago. “Mine just dropped me off and said goodbye,” he said. “The ones I meet now, they’re asking all the questions. ‘How can I get my student a single?’ ‘Why doesn’t my son or daughter have the Internet?’ ‘Where can they eat?’ ” They’re asking all this while their student stands mutely in the background, he said. “Sometimes you just have to cut the strings and let them go.”

Smith tries to ease the parents away by feeding them enough information so that they’re comfortable. He also empowers the students by directing his answers to them. And lastly, he gives the departing moms and dads his card, in case of emergency.

They do call and write, he said. One parent asked him to send a picture of her son’s dorm room so she could figure out how to furnish it. Another said her son only eats pizza and demanded a list and phone numbers of the restaurants in Pullman. And last year, a parent called because his student didn’t get along with his roommate.

“Don’t get me wrong, I really like parents to be involved,” said Smith. They can offer a positive pressure on students to join clubs, seek out challenging classes and take on campus leadership roles, he said.

Some students don’t mind the extra involvement either. When Nadia Perez chose to attend Eastern Washington University last year, her parents decided to come, too. The whole family relocated from Florida, her parents found jobs in Spokane and Perez now lives at home while she pursues her studies in Spanish in elementary education.

Perez turned to her parents for help in deciding her courses and major. “I welcome their expertise and advice,” she said.

This new type of college parent is showing up across the country.

“We are called the helicopter parents because we like to hover a bit over our children, to make sure they are safe and taken care of,” said Beth Hellwig-Olson, dean of student services at Gonzaga. Hellwig-Olson has two of her own children enrolled at the university and though they’re close, she strives to encourage their independence. She sees a number of parents who are reluctant to let their students fend for themselves.

These baby boomers took their kids to soccer practice and ballet, helped them through competitive high schools and edited their college applications. They may be looking at college from the viewpoint of consumers who have invested emotion, resources and money into their child and want to be sure they’re getting the best in college experience, said Jeffery Hart, Gonzaga’s director of security and member of the office of Student Life.

Recognizing this more-involved parent, colleges and universities are devising ways to define their participation.

WSU starts with its orientation program for incoming students. One of the first steps is to separate the students from parents, providing moms and dads with seminars on campus life and finances. While the parents are occupied, the students find their residence halls, plan their class schedules and explore campus.

This year Gonzaga has created a parent e-mail newsletter service to communicate directly with moms and dads. More than 800 families in the class of nearly 1,000 freshmen have signed on. “As we go through the year, the issues are ideally timed towards the things that parents will experience,” said Hart. Those include when and how to send care packages, knowing about finals, and what to expect when the student comes home on break.

“It allows us to put a great face on the university and put the parents at ease,” said Hart.

Last week freshman Kelsey Weinberg and her mom, Lucy, sat heads bent together at a small table in the newly renovated dining center in the Wilmer Davis Residence Hall. Lucy Weinberg of Seattle wanted to be sure her daughter had easy access to balanced meals.

Taking three days to bring her daughter to Pullman and help her to settle in, Weinberg said she is certainly more involved than her parents were when she started at the University of Washington. “I need to be,” she said. “I think the complexity of city life and the complexity of our culture has driven it. Things now are more difficult.”

She points to their next chore – opening bank accounts for Kelsey so she can manage her school money and personal expenses.

If their daughter runs into problems or gets lonely, the Weinbergs will know.

“We’ve got instant messaging. We’ve got e-mail. She’s got a cell phone,” said Lucy Weinberg. “We’ll be in touch. We just won’t be there to hug her.”