If honesty was contagious
Matt Ewers’ recent confession that he can’t control his mom will be seen by some as a lousy thing to say about the woman who brought him into the world.
Not me.
A guy doesn’t dump on his ma unless it’s the God’s honest truth. And anytime honest words pour out of a politician’s pie hole, well, I’m all for it.
Ewers, a Republican, is running for Spokane County Commission.
Last week Mama Ewers apparently got so caught up in his campaign that her protective Mother Bear nature came out. She decided to spread some potentially harmful information about Mark Richard’s 1997 bankruptcy.
Richard, also a Republican, is one of sonny boy’s primary opponents.
Her plan to stay beneath the radar ran aground when a Spokesman-Review security camera captured her dropping off copies of Richard’s financial failings with an unsigned note urging investigation.
I haven’t seen the video. But it sounds like great material should FOX television ever air a “Moms Gone Wild” reality show.
Accused of dirty politicking by the Richard camp, Ewers disavowed any connection to what happened. He then remarked to a reporter:
“I can’t control my mom.”
It could be worse, Matt. Imagine how Courtney Love’s kid feels.
Call me an optimist, but I’m hoping some good comes out of this.
Maybe Ewers’ mom will get a life and focus her energy on something less smarmy. Breeding pit bulls, say.
And wouldn’t it be wonderful if Ewers’ “can’t control mom” mantra became the catalyst that ushered in a New Age of Truth for those in the public eye. Imagine the possibilities if honesty actually caught on:
“ George Bush – “I can’t control Iraq.”
“ John Kerry – “I can’t control my wife.”
“ Teresa Heinz Kerry – “Shove it!”
“ Ralph Nader – “I’m dropping out of the presidential race. The only reason I’m running is because I’m a pathetic, limelight-loving egomaniac in a bad suit.”
“ Al Gore – “Why, Lord? Why? Whyyyyyyyyyyyy?”
“ Bill Clinton – “OK, I did have sex with that woman. I had sex with lots of women. C’mere, baby.”
“ Hillary Clinton – “Forget that stand-by-your man crapola. My husband’s a philandering skunk.”
“ Spokane Fluoride Opponents – “The Earth is flat. Science is evil. Bring on the leeches…”
“ Spokane Tourism Boosters – “We want to apologize for ‘Spokane. Near Nature. Near Perfect.’ It’s a perfectly awful city slogan and we’ll try to come up with something better.”
“ North Idaho Grass Farmers – “Naw. Burnin’ fields ain’t about better crops. We just like to smoke out you city folks.”
“ Scott Peterson – “I did it. I’m guilty.”
“ O.J. Simpson – “Me too.”
“ Martha Stewart – “Me three.”
“ Andy Rooney – “I’m a washed up old coot who hasn’t had a cogent moment in decades. But ‘60 Minutes’ can’t get rid of me. I’ve got photographs of Mike Wallace and a yak.”
“ Michael Moore – “I’m the biggest fact-twisting, self-serving partisan blowhard who ever lived.”
“ Rush Limbaugh – “No, you’re not.”
“ Michael Jackson – “I am a sick, perverted Wacko Jacko.”
“ Janet Jackson – “It wasn’t a wardrobe malfunction. That was Tito Jackson.”
“ Paul Hamm – “It wouldn’t be honest for me to keep the Olympic gold medal for all-around gymnastics if I won it because of a judging foul-up. So I’d like to give my medal to the real winner - South Korean Yang Tae-young.”
“ Team USA Basketball – “We suck.”
“ NBC Television Execs – “It’s not about sports. It’s about sweaty babes in bikinis. Why else do you think we keep televising Olympic women’s beach volleyball during prime time?”
“ Costco Execs – “We’re really selling caskets to accommodate all those members who die waiting in our interminable checkout lines.”
“ Ichiro Suzuki – “Please. Somebody get me off this Mariners train wreck.”
“ Spokesman-Review Editors – “We can’t control Doug Clark.”
“ Doug Clark – “Shove it!”