‘Viewer for the People’ notes Saturday was busy

Sure, maybe Auburn got jobbed. But so were Utah, Boise State, California, Paul Newman at the ‘61 Academy Awards and most working Americans when income tax came along in 1913. Hey, you’ve just got to take it like a man – like I do, remote in hand.

Anyway, you say, “BCS Saturday,” I say, “Bring on the Cinnabons!” Plus, as a Viewer of The People, I took notes:

4:39 p.m. ET Saturday: Reggie Bush scores on the second play of the USC-UCLA game, somersaulting into the end zone. I did the same thing when I got 1,020 on my SATs.

4:40: On most football Saturdays, I don’t crack open my first Rolling Rock until there’s a defensive touchdown. Today is an exception.

4:52: My father went to UCLA, so you can understand my bias: Southern Cal has “student-athletes” like Stalinist Russia had “elected leaders.”

4:56: If he’s available, I’m hiring Keith Jackson to call my funeral.

5:07: Bryant Gumbel is interviewing Pete Carroll on HBO. I didn’t know Gumbel could do an entire “Real Sports” piece while sitting in someone’s lap.

5:22: ABC’s Dan Fouts deserved a better fate than Dennis Miller and “Monday Night Football” expulsion.

5:43: If it’s a choice between the BCS and the Electoral College, I’ll take the Dewey Decimal System.

5:58: Sportswriters have difficulty matching neckties to shirts, and you want them deciding the national champion?

5:58:30: Actually, sportswriters are regular people – except they bet on the games they cover, consider press-box food a professional perk and expense cab rides to massage parlors.

(By the way, the Heisman Trophy – another sportswriter sham-and-a-half – will be presented Saturday. Timmy Chang, he of 16,667 career passing yards, likely will not receive a single vote. The past two weeks, against the Big Ten’s Northwestern and Michigan State, Chang completed 60 of 105 passes for 821 yards and eight touchdowns. Against Michigan State, Chang – who is like a son to me, although I am not like a father to him – rallied Hawaii from a 21-0 deficit to a 41-38 victory. Watching it on ESPN2, I openly wept.)

6:05: Nothing says “Southeastern Conference championship” like Santa Margherita Pinot Grigio with a nice hunk of havarti cheese.

6:33: Before it’s all over, I won’t be surprised if Dan Rather turns down the Notre Dame job.

7:09: If it were up to the BCS, Stuffed Chicken Limone at Olive Garden would be the No.1 dinner in America.

7:24: CBS’ Verne Lundquist is like my Uncle Thadius – I’m always glad to see him and always sad to see him go, and he doesn’t even have to give me money.

7:42: Man, I can’t catch a break – the McRib sandwich is back for a limited time only, and I have dinner commitments for, like, the next week.

8:01: At the Dr Pepper “Throw for Dough” at halftime of the SEC game, a Mt. Pleasant, N.C., man – part Mark Brunell, part Martin Gramatica – misfires on 8 of 10 passes and misses a 30-yard field goal attempt, with the chance to win up to $1 million. After every misfire, his wife looks as if they’ll be divorced by the fourth quarter.

8:07: As the Big 12 championship begins, ABC’s Lynn Swann intones, “This game falls down to three things – attitude, redemption and respect.” Geez, usually it’s turnovers.

8:38: Isn’t this Jason White’s sixth or seventh year at Oklahoma? And, before that, didn’t he room with Danny Almonte?

9:13: Even if CBS’ Tim Brando were subtitled, I would have no idea what he is saying at any given moment.

10:48: Oklahoma takes a 42-3 lead over Colorado, prompting Sooners fans to toss oranges onto the field. It’s a good thing they weren’t headed to the Continental Tire Bowl.

5:04 p.m. Sunday: Two problems with the Tostitos BCS Selection Show – one, due to a BCS glitch, Auburn is 12-0 and headed for Palookaville and, two, due to poor planning, I’ve run out of Tostitos.

Ask The Slouch

Q. Cal Ripken’s 2,632-consecutive-games streak or Brett Favre’s 201 straight NFL starts? (Steve Heard; Cohoes, N.Y.)

A. I love Favre to death, but he’s got an entire offensive line protecting him, he’s wearing a helmet and he gets a week between games. Favre plays 16 Sundays a year – heck, he’s got a lighter work schedule than Kramer on “Seinfeld.”

Q. With LeBron James having a child out of wedlock and Carmelo Anthony getting caught with marijuana, does that mean Darko Milicic should develop a liking for strip clubs so that all three top picks from last year’s draft can really establish themselves as full-fledged NBA veterans? (John G. Roby; Avon Lake, Ohio)

A. Only a BCS-worthy foul-up could’ve denied this fellow a buck and a quarter.

Q. Isn’t Ricky Williams turning into Grady from “Sanford and Son?” (Andrew Hoenig; Rockville, Md.)

A. Pay the man, Shirley.