Parents’ responsibility is to raise children

We don’t often go shopping on Saturday or Sunday, but a week ago we were “out there” with the rest of humanity. I observed several families with youngsters trying to get their shopping done while shepherding their children through the stores. Upon our return home, I spent a bit of time reflecting on what I’d observed. I’m currently working at putting the following words to music.

You get a time-out here,

And another one there,

Time-outs happen just about anywhere!

The kids run around,

They yell, cry, and shout.!

And that’s what it’s all about!

I’d guess the term “time-out” is about as effective a tool for modifying a child’s behavior as the words “shape up or you’re going to get a spanking” were in my day; particularly in those households where the child never pays “the ultimate price” for his or her actions.

I sometimes think parents of my generation might have been the last to have raised their children without relying on the advice of some guru outside the family circle. The point was driven home when I happened to catch a segment of Dr. Phil’s show. Dr. Phil was interviewing a young parent who found herself driven to distraction by a 4-year-old tyrant. The child was a world class negotiator. After listening to the mom’s tale of woe, Dr. Phil asked, “Were you raised in the middle of a cabbage patch?” He then went on to explain that she had the right, no the responsibility, to discipline her child.

Our children were born either while I was attending college or in the years immediately after my graduation. Given the wisdom I’d gleaned from various sociology and psychology professors, I knew my wife and I would be able to shape our youngsters into perfect citizens without having to “box their ears.”

I can report that everything was humming along fairly well until the post Christmas shopping season of 1971. I met my match, and crossed my Rubicon, on the third floor of The Crescent on that January day.

Our family was shopping the sales in the hopes of finding Mom a new winter coat. Somewhere in the middle of the process, one of the kids discovered a new game, called “Hide, Seek, and Run!” The Crescent’s elevated display platforms provided a perfect track and maze for the event. Since we had two other children in tow, the task of rounding up the young miscreant fell to me.

I used my whole repertoire of parenting tricks, including promises of wonderful rewards, in a futile effort to cajole my capricious offspring into being a citizen. When he pulled the infamous “Nanny, Nanny, Boo, Boo” out of the bag shortly before disappearing underneath a delicately poised rack laden with women’s negligees, I knew reason wasn’t going to get the job done. After two quick shoulder fakes and a well executed hip move, either of which could have earned me a spot on the Sonics’ roster, I managed to collar the little turkey.

Throwing the advice of Drs. Spock and Freud out the window, I borrowed a page from my parent’s disciplinary manual. Sitting on one of the risers, I proceeded to warm the young gentleman’s shorts, capping that action with the words, “We’ll discuss this incident further when we get home, Son.” I don’t know whether it was the swat on the rear or the opportunity to “enjoy” an early dinner, coupled with plenty of sleep/think time that did the trick for our young buck. But, I do know that “Nanny, Nanny, Boo, Boo” and cross-store race games disappeared from our children’s shopping agendas.

The use of direct intervention strategies when dealing with one’s children is not in vogue today. But I wonder if they are not part of what Dr. David McCullough was referring to when, during a recent speaking engagement at EWU, he said, “Children should not be allowed to grow up. They should be raised.”