Local hero gets voted off the island show

Just because I have a B.A. from Eastern Washington University doesn’t mean I’m too Ivy League intellectual to appreciate reality TV.

To me, bad comedians telling fat jokes and facially impaired women getting new noses is exactly what Philo Farnsworth had in mind when he began beaming pictures back in 1927.

But I doubt if any reality show I’ve seen so far will ever rise to last Thursday’s episode of “Survivor.”

High drama? You couldn’t carve the tension in the room with a 10-piece set of Ginsu knives.

Of course, it did help that the sofa on which my butt was planted was located in Tom and Sheri Finta’s living room.

The North Spokane residents invited me over for an evening of coffee, pie and watching Tom’s son, Brady, continue his quest to outwit, outplay and outlast the other contestants for a king’s ransom in prize money.

Although it somehow slipped below most of the local media’s radar, it’s true. Spokane has a direct connection to this season’s “Survivor” series, which draws an average of 20 million boob tube watchers each and every week.

Sorry. Let me rephrase that.

“Had a connection” is the more accurate way to say it.

“It’s a good thing you came when you did,” said Tom, moments after “Survivor” host Jeff Probst tallied the ballots and delivered the harsh verdict.

Brady was the fifth person voted off the island of Vanuatu.

Aw, Brady, we barely knew ye.

I had such high hopes for this. When I learned we had “Survivor” parents in our midst, I envisioned “Beat ‘em Brady” viewing parties springing up all over town as he moved closer and closer to the prize.

Bumper stickers. Banners.

Rallying Spokane behind Brady would have been the perfect diversion to take our minds off all the depressing things going on in the world like the war in Iraq, the presidential debates and CBS canceling “Last Comic Standing.”

I’m lying. I knew Brady was roadkill the minute his dad filled me in on his son’s particulars.

Brady Finta, 33, is an FBI agent who lives in Huntington Beach, Calif. He’s a former U.S. Marine who is blessed with movie star good looks. Brady works in counter-terrorism and is a member of the elite Los Angeles FBI SWAT team.

Flat out, the guy’s a hero.

But get this: While the Bureau gave Brady a thumbs up to compete in the popular show, they did it with a caveat. Tom said they told his son he had to play the game as a straight-arrow, honest representative of the FBI.

That is, to say, no lying, no chiseling, no deal breaking, no cheating, no conniving, no …

Excuse me. Have any of these FBI big shots ever watched “Survivor?”

You can’t win “Survivor” without being a weasel.

That’s like me trying to win the Boston Marathon with Oprah strapped to my back.

No wonder Brady didn’t make it.

This is a game where only the wrong survive. That’s what makes “Survivor” such diabolical fun for the whole family.

“I know you don’t want to watch this next week,” said Sheri to Tom after Brady’s ouster, “but they have sucked me into it.”

See?

Tom took the unexpected development with the stoicism you’d expect from a retired naval officer. “He (Brady) had a good time,” he said. “He also did a real good job of hiding his disappointment because I couldn’t tell he didn’t win.”

The “Survivor” outcome was settled weeks ago, of course.

Tom said his son has since returned to civilization and has kept his lip zipped as to who wins or what went on during his time on the island north of New Zealand. We’ll just have to watch and find out.

Oh well, it’s too bad Brady didn’t make it. But it’s a start.

Maybe some day a person with Spokane-area connections will be judged pathetic enough for an “Extreme Makeover; Home Edition.” Or tacky and shameless enough to get on “Wife Swap” or “Trading Spouses.”

A guy I worked for once would be great for “My Big Fat Obnoxious Boss.”

That’s the wonderful egalitarian thing about reality TV. Eventually the bar will sink low enough and we’ll all get a shot.