Let’s get etiquette off the endangered list

OK, I’ll admit I’m idealistic, and most any manager I’ve ever had will readily second that opinion.

Recently when walking through River Park Square, I noticed a store called Banana Republic.

My first thought was “What about the pineapples? Free the pineapples!” I’ve got ideals coming out my ears.

But I don’t think I’m out of line in bemoaning the near death of one of society’s greatest conventions.

Today, etiquette is in critical condition. Society is endangered by the impending loss of this dear friend.

Etiquette to me isn’t which spoon or fork you use. Ever since Kentucky Fried Chicken introduced a handy utensil called the spork, those antiquated rules seem out of place. Etiquette is more than that.

One Web site states that etiquette, according to a 19th-century British book, is “a sort of supplement to the law, which enables society to protect itself against offences which the law cannot touch.” A dictionary defines etiquette as the “rules governing socially acceptable behavior.”

Etiquette is a refinement on the golden rule: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

Today’s society has perverted that, seeming to adopt a golden rule of “What others?” We’re surrounded by individualistic and shortsighted behavior.

On a recent trip, while waiting in line at a Salt Lake City airport deli, I noticed a sign saying, “While standing in line, please turn off your cell phone out of respect for us and our customers.” They got a big tip from me for being bold enough to expect their patrons to act responsibly.

When I’ve got my mind working through the hard decision of ham or pastrami, and the myriad of cheese choices, I don’t want to hear some conversation about Uncle Harry’s rash.

Just last week, I was at a merchant’s customer service desk as the customer in front of me was making a return. The customer was deeply engrossed in a cell phone conversation and could only make awkward hand gestures to the clerk trying to process the return.

Unless that customer is a brain surgeon hot line, she needed to put the phone down. Store clerks are people – humans – and they deserve considerate human interaction as they do their job. They deserve proper etiquette.

But I’m not letting store clerks off scot-free here.

Ever been in a long checkout line, waiting for what seems like forever? Then a heaven-sent clerk opens up another checkout line with the announcement, “I can help the next customer over here.”

Often what follows is a rush of people that would do the historic land grabs of the old West proud, resulting in etiquette taking another turn for the worse.

Here’s a simple rule for the four letter-challenged that get thrown by the concept of “next.” Next means the person in line in front of you. It doesn’t mean the fleet of foot – the first person to win the race to the open counter.

Maybe the enlightened store clerk could play Amy Vanderbilt and come to the line of customers and anoint the proper person as “next,” and lead them regally over to the recently opened checkout counter. Wouldn’t society be better for this?

Maybe it’s the advent of the rise of machines that put etiquette on a deathwatch. To illustrate that point, we have to ponder netiquette – “the etiquette of cyberspace.”

In the book “Netiquette” by Virginia Shea, she mentions rule 1 as the fact that we have to “remember the human.” E-mail today often is a reflection of the way we drive.

A driver fails to yield to another driver, and instantly there’s a new member of the Audubon society created, and his first act is to add another Middle Finger Bird to the winged population.

Our society uses also harsh words, swearing and profanity in e-mails thoughtlessly. Shea states “the interposition of the machine seems to make it acceptable.”

Behind the wheel, see the other driver behind his wheel. Before you forward on that chain e-mail to 10 “lucky” recipients, see a busy human on the other end.

If you want to save the ocean’s giant whales, you have to save plankton, their microscopic food source. No plankton means no more whales.

Etiquette is the plankton of order in society. Laws are often attempts to enforce the basic tenets of etiquette.

Maybe we can all get better at seeing others, doing the right thing, and bring etiquette off the critical list.

Save the whales.

Save etiquette.

And free the pineapples.