The Slice: For now, she’s just a big girl

Here’s a story of girl trouble (the early years). A friend was at a local park with her 18-month-old son, Nick. He’s an easygoing lad who refers to almost all preteens as babies.

He saw a couple of little girls nearby. And in a friendly, nonleering way, he said, “Babies.”

Big mistake.

Nick quickly learned a lesson about women.

“I’m a big girl,” huffed one of the designated babies.

(It turned out that she’s 5.)

And to further set Nick straight, repudiate his word choice and establish her maturity credentials, the offended party informed the boy that she is not afraid of horses.

So there.

Maybe now Nick thinks that’s the cutoff.

Afraid of horses — babies.

Not afraid of horses — big girls.

Of course, there might be a few other words for self-impressed 5-year-old vixens with attitudes. But Nick will have to learn those on his own.

•Slice quiz: In what 1996 movie do the slang-loving young men refer to desirable women as “babies”?

Be one of the first three readers to call or e-mail with the correct answer, and I’ll send you an official reporter’s notebook.

•Slice answer (dogs hiding things): When Jane Trease was a child, her family had a lovable mixed-breed pooch named Bones. He would eat anything except hot dogs.

So naturally, the kids gave him hot dogs.

“Being a polite dog, he would take it in his mouth,” said Trease.

But he wouldn’t actually eat it.

Eventually, someone would open the door to the basement and Bones would head downstairs.

“My father found many hot dogs buried in the coal bin over the years,” she recalled.

•Shaking the family tree: Denise Chamberlain’s niece was planning to bring her 3-year-old daughter, Calli, to a family gathering. And the little girl got to hear all about the projected lineup. One person expected to be there was Calli’s cousin Robin.

There was a moment of silence and then Calli asked, “Will Batman be there, too?”

•Misspeaking: Bill Bancroft’s brother-in-law used to say “my bag” instead of “my bad.”

•Slice answer: In Gigi O’Neel’s family, the big red wagon at Riverfront Park is known as the “Grandma launching wagon.”

That’s because of what happened one time when O’Neel’s sister from Arkansas went down the wagon’s slide with a 2-year-old grandson in her lap. The pair unexpectedly reached an impressive speed and shot off the end like ski jumpers, landing in separate heaps.

“Both were OK, except for my sister’s pride,” wrote O’Neel.

•Today’s Slice question: If you really need your glasses to see and don’t ever wear contacts, what do you do when you go swimming?