Have a happy Valentine’s Day
Dear Readers: Happy Valentine’s Day to all of you, and especially to our veterans in Veterans Affairs hospitals around the country. And a special thanks to all our readers who have taken the time to visit the vets and send valentines. Bless you.
Dear Annie: I am 22 years old and was engaged to “Marty” for three years. I thought everything was going great. I always gave him everything he wanted. If he needed groceries, I would buy them. If he needed money, I always gave it to him. There was nothing in this world I wouldn’t do for Marty.
Last month, Marty decided I had nothing to offer him, and he ended our relationship. I feel like I lost such a huge part of my life, and now that it’s over, all that matters to me is keeping my friendship with him.
I recently found out there is a new girl in Marty’s life. The news that he has someone else so soon after our breakup has ripped me apart. I’m not trying to ruin his new relationship, but how can I deal with such heartbreak and still maintain our friendship? – Sad and Lonely in Colorado
Dear Sad: For the moment, you can’t. You need a breather from Marty so you can put the breakup in perspective. You deserve to be in a healthy relationship where you don’t have to be a doormat in order to gain someone’s love. Marty did not appreciate your constant need to please him. Such effort can be suffocating.
Do not contact Marty. Go out with friends, get involved in fun activities, and concentrate on ways to be good to yourself. If you need counseling, get it. Time will ease your heartbreak. Relationships should be give-and-take, and yours was all give.
Dear Annie: My 33-year-old daughter, “Lily,” is irresponsible when it comes to paying her bills. She has a full-time job and is divorced with two teenage children.
When Lily was married, she and her husband lied about the reasons why they could not pay rent, borrowed money that they never paid back and also moved in with us. Each time they screwed up, we bailed them out. My wife and I finally got tired of all the lies and threw them out of the house. Now that Lily is divorced, she is back in our home and on the same destructive path. There are two grandchildren involved. What’s a parent to do? – Desperate
Dear Desperate: It’s hard to let your child make her own mistakes, sink or swim. Lily is 33 years old and needs to learn about fiscal responsibility. As long as she knows you will pay her way, she will let you. Teach her how to keep a budget, but don’t bail her out. Show her how to start saving so she can live independently. If necessary, offer to keep the kids while she learns how to fend for herself.
Dear Annie: I am a road cyclist and would like drivers to please follow a few courteous behaviors: 1. When you are passing a cyclist, please wait until there is room. I’ve had many side mirrors nearly hit me and loose gravel flung in my face. 2. If you are approaching an intersection that has a right-hand bike lane, please make sure you are not cutting off a cyclist as you turn. 3. Pay attention to how fast we’re moving. Some cyclists can maintain speeds in excess of 20 mph. Misjudgment has led to many near-accidents. 4. Cyclists have the right of way, just like pedestrians, at intersections. Please allow us to cross the street before you zoom ahead at the green light. I know there are some cyclists who don’t obey traffic laws, but for those of us who do, could you please watch out for us? – Dedicated Reader and Cyclist
Dear Cyclist: We appreciate your pointers. Drivers and cyclists both should take care to watch out for one another.