Will mayor be appearing all over dial?
Taking a cue from lewd luminaries like Paris Hilton who have found fame in shame, Spokane Mayor Jim West is converting his own sex scandal into serious national TV face time.
Tuesday morning saw Mayor West in a New York studio perched next to host Matt Lauer on NBC’s “Today.”
It was a proud day for Spokane as West told America all about the misfortune that can happen when a mayor trolls the Internet for teen/man love – and gets caught.
But this was only the beginning of what insiders are dubbing the Jim West Media Blitz 2005.
Thanks to a secretly leaked advance copy of TV Guide, we have now learned that Mayor West will make cameo appearances all over the dial. And on a surprisingly wide variety of popular programs such as:
American Idol – Mayor West washes out of an audition after his earnest falsetto rendition of “Teen Angel” fails to impress the judges.
“That boob makes William Hung look like Josh Groban,” notes master of hubris Simon Cowell.
Paula Abdul, for the first time in “American Idol” history, has nothing good to say.
SpongeBob SquarePants – Bruce Blowfish (as voiced by Mayor West) throws all of Bikini Bottom into a tizzy when he offers SpongeBob’s best pal Patrick 300 clams for a naked swim lesson.
Home Again with Bob Vila – Mayor West paints himself into yet another corner.
Law & Order – Mayor West makes his TV acting debut as the new recurring character, Deputy Jim. In this episode, a suspect complains that Deputy Jim “inappropriately grabbed my other weed” during a trouser search for marijuana.
Deputy Jim is saved for the time being, however, when the Internal Affairs case files are misplaced in a basement broom closet.
Desperate Housewives – Gossip goes into high gear when a former Republican state senator known as Uncle Lester (played by Mayor West) moves into the neighborhood.
Sexy Gabrielle Solis (played by Eva Longoria) soon discovers she’s not the only resident who’s been tapping the hunky lawn boy.
Praise The Lord – Mayor West delivers a fiery prayer and asks Jesus to “drive those evil Muckrakers from the Internet.”
Fear Factor – Mayor West completes a high-wire balancing act only to choke in the food challenge as he fails to consume the 8-pound transcript of his Gay.com chat line postings.
Young and the Restless – Nick and Sharon are horrified to learn that …
Aw, that’s just too easy. Fill in your own Mayor West punch line here.
Lost – The castaways’ search to locate the source of eerie moaning sounds leads them to a mysterious cave. Inside, their torches illuminate Mayor West who is pulling his hair out and wailing, “Damn you, Spokesman-Review. Damn you all to Helllll!!!”
Pimp My Ride – Just in time for the Ferris High School senior prom, Mayor West’s blue Lexus convertible is transformed into the boy toy date-mobile of his dreams.
Custom features include a built-in Xbox video game console, Batman seat covers and a lilac neon “RightBi-Guy” license plate.
Survivor – In an emotional Tribal Council, irate members of the Spokaloo Tribe vote unanimously to boot Mayor West off the island.
West, however, wears the Immunity Necklace and refuses to go.
Trading Spaces – Mayor West shoots himself in the foot with a nail gun.
Wheel of Fortune – Mayor West tries to hit it big so he won’t have to worry about staying in office another six months to collect a fatter pension.
He falls just short of winning when he can’t come up with the fourth word of the puzzle – “The old gay (blank) ain’t what he used to be.”
(Hint: It rhymes with player.)