Give Spackler his due

All of us have a memorable movie line or five, and in that vein the American Film Institute is counting down the Top 100 greatest lines in American movies. For some, No. 1 better be a classic like, “We’ll always have Paris” (“Casablanca”), while others want a culturally comical, “Yeah, baby!” (“Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery”) or a historically quixotic, “I love the smell of napalm in the morning” (“Apocalypse Now”).

My pick would be, “Follow the money.”

Maybe I’m swayed by recent events. But it’s the essence of impeccable movie dialogue. Simple. Concise. Pointed.

It’s so much a part of our history most people don’t understand the recently uncloaked Deep Throat didn’t say it or Woodward and Bernstein didn’t report it. William Goldman wrote it in “All the President’s Men.”

But, while the AFI has its big-list countdown, sports deserves a separate division. Movies and sports feed off each other.

Check out the movie list. Check out the scoreboard at the local game. Listen to how people talk in movie phrases at sports events.

With that in mind, as well as getting a cheap column, here’s the Not-The-AFI’s Top 15 Sport Lines. There are criteria, all mine. First, it doesn’t just have to be a line, but can be a full quote.

Second, it has to have staying power, which means the movie has to be at least a decade old, ruling out instant-classic cliches like, “Show me the money” (“Jerry Maguire,” 1996).

Third, the quote can’t come from a historical figure. For instance, on the candidate list of 400 AFI quotes is Gary Cooper delivering Lou Gehrig’s “I consider myself the luckiest man … ” speech in “Pride of the Yankees.” Cooper delivers it wonderfully.

It’s still Gehrig’s line.

And it’s still my list:

15. “Anything that travels that far oughta have a damn stewardess on it, don’t you think?” – Crash Davis (Kevin Costner) in “Bull Durham” after a long home run was hit off Nuke LaLoosh. A line every sports writer wishes to have thought up.

14. “Cinderella story, outta nowhere, a former greenskeeper now about to become the Masters champion.” – Carl Spackler (Bill Murray) in “Caddyshack.” Such a part of sports lore that it was used on the NBC telecast this weekend in referring to U.S. Open surprise Jason Gore.

13. “When I run, I feel His pleasure.” – Ian Charleson (Eric Liddell) in “Chariots of Fire.” The best line connecting sports and spirituality.

12. “When the bat meets that ball and you feel that ball just give, you know it’s going to go a long way – damn if you don’t feel like you’re going to live forever.” – Buck Weaver (John Cusack) in “Eight Men Out.” Says all there is about the sweet spot of sports.

11. “Ju-u-ust a bit outside!” – Bob Uecker in Major League. Must be used at least once by every announcer during the baseball season.

10. “I love Brian Piccolo and tonight, when you hit your knees, please ask God to love him.” – Gale Sayers (Billy Dee Williams) in “Brian’s Song.” You need a tissue just reading it.

9. “Pick out a winner for me, Bobby.” – Roy Hobbs (Robert Redford) asking the batboy to get him a bat in “The Natural.” Bobby did, of course.

8. “If you build it, he will come.” – The voice in “Field of Dreams.” The line that spawned a thousand variations.

7. “There’s no crying in baseball.” – Jimmy Dugan (Tom Hanks) in “A League of Their Own.” So what if it’s played on every scoreboard in America?

6. “The most important thing to remember is to protect the quarterback: ME!” – Paul Crewe (Burt Reynolds) in “The Longest Yard.” How many times has this been said in a huddle?

5. “The one constant through the years, Ray, has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It has been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt and erased again. But baseball has marked the time.” – Terence Mann (James Earl Jones) in “Field of Dreams.” You read that, you understand the hold of baseball.

4. “I coulda been a contenda. I coulda been somebody instead of a bum.” – Terry Malloy (Marlon Brando) in “On The Waterfront.” It’s become the desperate, desolate lament of every athlete who through bad luck or bad decisions lives a different life than imagined.

3. “Let’s win this game for all the small schools that never had a chance to get here.” – Merle Webb (Kent Poole) in “Hoosiers.” It strikes the definition of the underdog in sports.

2. “Cut me, Mick.” – Rocky Balboa (Sylvester Stallone) in “Rocky” asking his trainer during a fight to open his eye so he can see. Everyone does the, “Yo, Adrian!” line. This is more caustic and more central to the idea of sacrifice in sports.

And finally …

1. “Every time I say it’s a game, you tell me it’s a business. Every time I say it’s a business, you tell me it’s a game.” – O.W. Shaddock (John Matuszak) in “North Dallas Forty.” The paradox of sport condensed to two magical sentences by writer Peter Gent.