Baby boomer tries big guns for first time

It’s a constant struggle for those of us over 50 to not turn into the sedentary, Glenn Miller-listening frumps that our parents’ generation became.

So to keep away the rust I constantly push myself to embrace new experiences and learn new skills.

Which is why I have added “machine gunner” to my resume.

It happened Sunday when I joined the monthly “Machine Gun Shoot” at the Fernan Rod and Gun Club, a few miles east of Coeur d’Alene.

Nothing puts the “boom” back in a worn-out baby boomer like laying down a hail of suppression fire.

I blasted away on fully automatic and scary-sounding weapons such as the M-16, the Mini Uzi, the AR50, the HK 53 and a black, space-age-looking contraption made in Belgium called the F-2000.

“Tatta tatta tatta tatta tatta…”

I know. I know. It was Palm Sunday.

At the gun range, however it was Trigger Finger Sunday.

In the end, I burned 80 bucks worth of ammo in about 10 seconds of actual firing. I haven’t had as big an adrenaline rush since I went rattlesnake hunting.

Some might call my outing a frivolous waste of company funds. Still, my joy ride was a lot cheaper than following the Zags to Arizona.

Plus I came home a winner. My machine gun fascination came as a little boy who watched way too many episodes of TV’s “Combat!” and “The Untouchables.” There was a period of my life when every stick in my hands would turn into a machine gun to riddle Nazis and Al Capone’s gangsters.

The point being that I grew up with this unrequited urge to fire an actual machine gun.

True, I could have satisfied this itch by joining the Army and going to Vietnam. And I sure would have, too, were it not for the cowardice thing.

So when I heard that a Spokane gun store was sponsoring a safe and legal machine gun shoot, well, I said “Don’t start the war without me!”

The store, ARC Inc., is at 4107 N. Division St.

The late Hunter S. Thompson would have loved the irony of this gun emporium since it is sandwiched between a peace-sign-waving tobacco “accessories” shop to the south and Mexican restaurant with tequila to the north.

“It is kind of a libertarian corner,” observes ARC owner, 30-year-old Axel Raven.

If I had a cool name like Axel Raven I’d be on the road in a rock band, not running a gun store.

Raven says the machine gun shoot is possible because of a couple of things.

Washington law forbids anyone from owning a machine gun or even parts of a machine gun. The exception is dealers who have verified business intent and consent with law enforcement. Raven says the machine guns he gets are used for demonstration and education purposes with officers.

In Idaho the law is more relaxed. Essentially, any gun that can be legally bought can be legally shot.

So Raven and his staff take the weapons to the Idaho range. The public can shoot them free, as long as they buy the ammo. The next shoot is April 16 and 17.

It all sounds complicated. But let’s not quibble over details. The bottom line is that Doug got to shoot machine guns.

But don’t worry. They don’t let anyone go all Rambo over the gun range.

Every shooter is hovered over by a qualified instructor.

My gunpowder guru was Dan Koolstra. He loaded the weapons and showed me important things like where the safeties were and how to switch from single shot to full-tilt rock and roll.

As exciting as it was, though, I have a confession to make. The thrill of the day for me came when Duane Kirby, a Spokane gun enthusiast, let me take a single shot through his .50-caliber rifle.

These weapons are used today by armed forces. They have an accurate and quite lethal range of over a mile. There is no way to describe the ear-ringing, brain-jarring din made by one of these babies.

“KABOOOM!!!”

The sacrifices I make for journalism.