Holiday cheer means knowing your limits

The worst time to be working at the Better Business Bureau is during the three weeks following Thanksgiving. We can hardly wait for all the fun. People are especially grumpy, customers become overly demanding, and everyone is short on time. Happy Holidays, bah humbug!

I did an impromptu survey about why the holiday season makes us all so crazy and what we can do to make it easier on ourselves and everyone around us. The common thread seemed to be: too may commitments, too many things pulling on resources, and a fear of setting limits.

As we move into the holiday frenzy, here are some suggestions on how to gain control:

• Set a strict spending budget and stick to it.

Don’t forget to include the cost of postage, cards, baking supplies, party outfits, and wrapping paper. It’s easy to overlook these things, which can really add up. If you have a tendency to overspend, make your gift budget specific to the person. If you begin your shopping trip knowing you want to spend just $20 on Aunt Jean, including tax and the cost of mailing, you’ll know the gift itself needs to stay well under $15. You can see how a gift list with 15 people on it could get out of hand if you exceed each person by the cost of tax and mailing, or about $5.

• Budget your time, it’s your most valuable resource.

Your parents want you for dinner, and maybe your spouse’s parents, too. Toss in an additional set of parents if one has remarried or divorced and you have three different sets of family pulling on you. Consider the dear friends that you would really like to spend time with, out-of-town visitors, children and office parties — get the picture? You need to set limits, which is never easy. There may be logical and emotional reasons for your choices, but the two are seldom the same. Make it clear that you intend to create your own traditions, and that trying to please everyone is a sure road to insanity. Rotation is a good compromise in most cases. And honestly, if you want to spend quality time with a family or individual, the holiday season is not the time to try to do it. Also, be sure to budget some down time, and time with your immediate family.

• If you’re traveling, plan and plan some more.

Plan your time, plan your travel and make sure if you’re staying with relatives, they understand your timeline and what you will need from them. Ship your gifts ahead if you’re flying, as wrapped gifts are subject to inspection, and that means unwrapping them. And be ready for delays. Bring your patience, sense of humor and plan “B” if you end up stuck in the airport due to weather problems.

• Set limits on what you plan to do.

If you ended up last year fried and disappointed, take a look at all the things you attempted to accomplish and start taking things off your list. Do you really need to send holiday cards to all those people? Are all those things you bake necessary for anyone but you and that unrealistic vision you have? Did you overspend because you were trying to fill another void with the perfect gift? Take my word for it: an expensive gift will never replace the time you should have spent with the recipient nor will it make you feel better about the neglect you have spread over the last 12 months. Are all the parties you’re invited to top priority? I doubt it.

• Don’t get carried away doing good deeds.

The Christmas season is a great time to raise money because we’re all so giving. The scam artists know this, too, and will set up all sorts of oddball ways to raise money. Know who you are donating to before you donate. Don’t just hand over cash; all the money the scammers take is just money the real charities won’t see. The nonprofit world is quickly becoming the safety net of society; remember your local charities during the holidays. I know of several families who have done away with gift exchanges and simply make a local charitable donation instead.

• If ordering over the Internet, know your merchant.

Buy local, it helps us all. Dollars spent here are like fertilizer. But if you do buy online, be careful. Understand delivery restrictions ( www.ftc.gov), check the company out at www.bbb.org and make sure you are on a secure site before you pass on credit card info.

• Is it really a sale?

Monitor prices on things you plan to buy, don’t just assume that sale sign ensures you’re getting the best deal. And remember, price is only one consideration. What kind of company stands behind the product? What’s the return policy? It is up to the buyer to find that out before they buy, as no company has to offer any kind of refund or exchange.

I guess the message here is to simplify. Take control of your money, your commitments and your time and let common sense guide your selections.