The Slice: Or we could just stick with Spokane

It has been suggested to me that there’s a simple solution to the problem of how to spell and pronounce the Lilac City’s name.

We could just do what lots of new parents do and personalize it to suit our own taste and craving for another stupid way to express our individuality.

Wouldn’t that make Spokane so very special?

Sure. Several possibilities come to mind.

Spohcann. Spokann. Spoke Anne. Spohkannemarie. Destinee. Preshus. Rhayn. Jenifur. Careuhn.

Oh, wait. Sort of got off track there.

Let’s move on.

“Trend forecast: Sales of toy dart-guns will soar as managers grope for ways to get the attention of headphone-wearing employees.

“Slice answer: Bill Simer saw the question about hair stylists spotting medical problems.

“I have been a ‘client’ of Kevin Selland for many years,” he wrote. “Mr. Selland, as he is known to his students at Sacajawea Middle School, used to have a hair salon before he went back to college and earned his teaching credentials. He still cuts hair in the evenings to supplement his teacher’s salary.

“A couple of years ago, Kevin noticed a couple of unusual blemishes on my balding scalp. For the next few months he reminded me of this and prompted me to make an appointment with my family physician.

“One was a small mole, but the other turned out to be a basal cell skin cancer. I’m grateful to Kevin for pointing out what he saw, but more importantly for badgering me to have it looked at and taken care of.”

“Richard E. Knott’s name for “half of the letters to the editor”: “Church chat.”

“New name for Spokane: “Yetisburg.” — Bill Mahaney

“Here’s what Rebecca Chastain would say if she could speak into the ear of every driver talking on a cell phone: “Boo!”

Gary W. Smith and others suggested the classic, “Hang up and drive!”

“Three and out: 1. I know these two guys who hate each other’s guts. But they are both passionate fans of the same football team. So does it mess with their heads to know that when that team wins it makes their enemy happy?

2. You know that “Waaac waaac” sound Burgess Meredith used to make as the Penguin on the old “Batman” TV series? Well, did anyone ever think that sounded like a penguin?

3. In the song “Memphis,” shouldn’t the singer know the phone number if it’s a house where he used to live? And if it’s a different dwelling, wouldn’t the long-distance operator need more to go on than “Her home is on the South Side, high upon a ridge”?

“Today’s Slice question: How do you deal with it when a visitor from out of town has been here for about half an hour and wants to make a big point of noting that he or she is not impressed with Spokane?