Understanding your child’s temperament

The holiday season is fast approaching. During this time, a child can be pushed into overdrive. Children of different temperaments cope with the hustle and bustle of holiday festivities in individual ways. Some become overwhelmed by too much stimulation. Others become uncomfortable with the change in routine or can be anxious about meeting new people or encountering new situations.

Child development specialists suggest parents take a close look at their child’s temperament as well as their own to help their children cope with changes in routine.

What do we mean by ‘temperament’? Generally speaking, temperament refers to the traits that determine a child’s approach to the world. Children reveal their own particular temperament beginning at birth. All temperament styles present different rewards and challenges for parents; there is no right or wrong style. But by understanding these patterns, you can tailor your parenting approach in such areas as expectations, encouragement and discipline to suit your child’s unique needs. Here are some common temperament types:

•Easy: These children develop a regular routine quickly and adjust to change easily. Make sure to give an easy child the time and attention he deserves because he will not demand it.

•Difficult: Children with this temperament are often irritable and fussy. They have trouble with changes in routine. Try to keep a regular routine and pay attention to the kind of comforting she likes.

•Slow to Warm: This child tends to withdraw from new people, places and foods. While not irritable, he needs to be eased into new situations. Stick to a routine, and allow ample time to establish relationships in new situations.

As a parent, be aware of your own temperament style as well. The greatest conflicts result when a parent and child have different types of temperament and the parent cannot understand why the child behaves as she does. Whether you and your child are very alike or very different, seeing and appreciating how you ‘fit’ and ‘don’t fit’ together will help you make decisions that nurture your child’s well-being and talents. Here are some tips from Parents as Teachers for parents to achieve this ‘fit’:

•Be aware of your child’s temperament and respect his uniqueness without comparing him to others or trying to change his basic temperament.

•Be aware of your own temperament and adjust your natural responses when they clash with your child’s responses.

•Communicate. Explain decisions and motives. Listen to your child’s point of view and encourage teamwork to generate solutions.

•Set limits to help your child develop self-control.

•Be a good role model because children learn by imitation.

Temperament, Holidays

Here are some things you can do to work with your child’s unique temperament around the holidays:

•Talk to your child about what you observe. For instance, say, “We have a lot of changes during the holidays and you seem to be missing the old ways.” This will help your child understand and talk about her frustration.

•Think about the match between your temperament and your child’s. Be aware of how you each cope with holiday activities and stress.

•Let your child know you support his unique temperament style. For example, let a slow-to-warm child stay close to you at family gatherings until he is ready to take part in the festivities.