Cougars will no doubt rake in bowl berth

Here’s the thing about leaves: Rake them all up and the next day there’s a new layer on the lawn. As autumn diversion, this is highly overrated.

So, back to the Cougs.

Yes, yes, I know. Just two weeks ago I played coroner and pronounced the Washington State University football season dead, this after the Cougs themselves had shown unmistakable signs of livor mortis in a 24-21 loss to Stanford. The conclusion was, if the Cougars couldn’t get interested enough to beat a team that had lost to UC (Ann B.) Davis, surely we could all find better things to do with our time – yard work, snaking the toilet, stitching quilts out of our old “Apple Cup – Too Drunk to Care” T-shirts. Especially with five Top 25 – at the time – opponents dead ahead.

Reaction was swift and furious. You’d have thought I’d called for a fake punt up 10 with 6 minutes to go.

Riiiight. Like anybody would do that.

Since Wazzu has gone on to lose two more games – in increasingly angst-sodden fashion – told-you-sos wouldn’t be out of order, at least in a bottom-line context. You don’t revive your season by plunging further in the standings.

But that would be merciless and cold. I believe my fellow jackals were implored to “give ‘em a break” after one of the latest gut-punches – I was otherwise engaged with my wheelbarrow – as though responsibility for the flurry of touchdown passes being thrown over Cougars heads rested with the morning newspaper and AM radio.

Well, I can manage more than a break.

I can give the Cougars my endorsement.

Washington State will play in a bowl game this year.

That’s right. The season’s back on.

True, I’m a little delirious from a flu shot, but I believe that with all my heart. OK, most of my heart. All right, I believe it for the purpose of today’s discourse.

Now at this point, I’m not sure even a bowl game would satisfy Wazzu’s dithering constituency, which from what can be gathered over the antenna seems to want – and the order may not be correct here – new play-callers, new plays, a change at quarterback, Will Derting back at outside linebacker (presumably because injuries happen less often there) and Harriet Miers on the Supreme Court, as long as she declares the fourth quarter to be unCougstitutional.

Many out there are convinced the Cougs should still be undefeated, given the late meltdowns against Oregon State, UCLA and Cal, and the Stanford fiasco during which the players apparently decided to give themselves that break the press wouldn’t.

This much can’t be argued: All of those were winnable games.

This next one isn’t.

The Cougars are off to play No. 1 USC Saturday in Los Angeles, and while the few remaining true believers are warming themselves with the memory of Timm Rosenbach and the 1988 Cougs stunning top-ranked UCLA back in 1988, ancient history won’t be out there trying to tackle Reggie Bush.

Wazzu would have better prospects juggling porcupines than playing the Trojans, who now have as motivation the indignity of being dissed by the silly computers and slipping to second in the latest BCS rankings, although that still might turn out to be a case of identity theft. You’ll note that the point spread is 30ish, which means that taking into account the Cougars’ average of 39 points a game, nobody in Vegas will be surprised if USC puts up 70.

Nobody here, either.

But the important stuff comes after that. The Cougars finish the regular season – see, it’s easy to buy into this – with home games against Arizona State and Oregon, and the Apple Cup at Husky Stadium. Or, as it’s become known, Brokedown Palace.

The Cougars need victories in all three just to become bowl-eligible – the NCAA’s term for having a pulse. Frankly, this should be as much a foregone conclusion as Idaho, Nevada and Grambling State were back in September.

Arizona State is on a slide even more unsightly than Wazzu’s, considering the Sun Devils were 14th ranked when they started to tip over. They’ve been worthless since becoming one of USC’s nice-try victims back on Oct. 1, and getting routed by Stanford last weekend was good company for the Cougars’ misery.

Oregon just lost quarterback Kellen Clemens to a broken leg. Not that the Ducks are a one-man team, but take away Clemens’ 437 yards passing and three touchdowns in last year’s game in Pullman and Washington State wins by a field goal, easy.

The Huskies? They might have a chance if the Cougs dress up in Idaho’s uniforms, but otherwise …

Naturally, the Cougars will need to actually figure out a way to win these games rather than just holding double-digit leads in the fourth quarter. But if you look hard enough, there are any number of hopeful signs – Derting’s return in another week, getting up off the deck at Cal to charge back, Jerome Harrison’s relentless running – and the fact that coach Bill Doba is kicking chairs and that old Wazzu bunker mentality is taking hold again, with backup quarterback Josh Swogger being put off-limits for a TV interview this week.

You know, lest he once again voice his support for starter Alex Brink.

Of course, even if the Cougars do fulfill this bit of destiny, they won’t climb any higher than seventh in the Pac-10 standings. Technically, only six Pac-10 teams are guaranteed bowl berths, though UCLA could create a little BCS havoc if it continues on its collision course with USC.

But such is the cornucopia of college football that there is yet another bowl out there this year – the much-anticipated San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl – that is just a-twitch to pair an at-large team against the third-place team in the Mountain West Conference. And what more attractive opponent could the credit union find than the Cougs, with a draw like Harrison, the amazing Jason Hill and the defense that can’t tip over a toddler carrying cocoa?

See what I mean? Cougs to a bowl, baby.

I’ll stake my rake on it.