Word for today: More, more, more
In the 1970s, Donna Summer sang, “Enough is enough.”
How dated.
In the new animated film “Over the Hedge,” wild animals, surrounded by suburbia, gorge themselves after a raid on human junk food. One says, “Enough is enough,” but the rest ecstatically cry through cheese-puff powdered lips, “Enough is never enough!”
Yeah, now we’re talking!
I’ve been media-watching for ways to enhance my life and demonstrate how au courant I am. We live in a world where luxury is de rigueur, full of elite possibilities and I want my share. Now.
I’ve got my eye on one of those new multimillion dollar castles at Liberty Lake. Why settle for comfort when I can have grandeur? I’ve always wanted a 25-foot combination fireplace/waterfall, fancy home theater and rock-climbing wall.
Or maybe I’ll just do some renovation in my current house. Luxury bathroom remodels are the latest thing. Even Oprah would approve of the spa I’m considering with Italian marble countertops, a tub with therapeutic lighting, and an electrically controlled shower system disguised as bath tiles with settings for temperature, water pressure and multiple sprays.
My kitchen could use a makeover, too. I find cooking so difficult without a $25,000 Chateau 150 stove, Sub-Zero refrigerator, wood-fired pizza oven and wine cellar. Why should my family suffer with inferior meals when the in-home catering service has a snafu?
My poor husband has been positively squinting lately at our 50-inch LCD flat-panel TV. I’m going to surprise him with a 72-inch model the moment they hit the stores.
Our dog won’t be left out either. Some pet-food lines have introduced “fine dining” quality dog food, with cuisine such as chicken entrees with snow peas, spinach, carrots, corn and apples. Zoomer has never been discriminating. I don’t think he’d distinguish a snow pea from his own vomit, but if that’s what elite dogs eat, he’s going to have them on a crystal platter. Those soft brown eyes just turn me to mush; I can’t bear to deprive him.
If a trend is good enough for celebrities, it’s good enough for my precious grandchild, with expense no object. Wait till people see him in his edgy, mini-adult attire for tykes. I bought him the cutest onesies from Pimpfants (slogan: “Ho Clothes for Kiddies”) and a little T-shirt featuring a rock star smoking a joint, sure to be a hit with his hip parents.
I’ve just discovered “fractional ownership,” which allows me to enjoy using upscale items through timesharing. I don’t have to be rich to look rich anymore. Hooray! I can plop a $2,000 Marc Jacobs handbag into a $450,000 Mercedes SLR and drive to a private jet that will whisk me off to my timeshare yacht or elite golf club. Swag for the middle class!
Pampering myself and my loved ones is almost a full-time job, but we’re worth it. Sure I’ll have to cut way back on supporting local charities such as the food bank, Habitat for Humanity, the Vanessa Behan Crisis Nursery, the Humane Society, ho-hum, etc., but they’ll get by. What have I gotten out of it? After all, charity begins at home. Doesn’t it say that somewhere in the Bible?
Now, about that $300,000 six-carat flawless marquise cut diamond solitaire I tried on at Tiffany’s in Bellevue a while back. I think I’ll whiz over in my timeshare 1980 308 Ferrari and pop that dazzling bling on my finger.
Enough is never enough!