Mom questions daughter’s priorities

Dear Harriette: My daughter is a businesswoman in New York City. She claims she is lonely, but she won’t stop to rest or do anything that will allow her to meet someone. I am very worried for her, as she is approaching her late 30s. The other older mothers I know say their children are marrying later so I shouldn’t be worried, but I sense it’s not even a real priority for my daughter.

I don’t want her to look up from her job one day and not know why she is working. We have had really pleasant and brief talks about this, but it’s becoming a serious concern for me.

What should I say? Her father and I are still married, and we want her to be secure as well. — Arlene, Stroudsburg, Pa.

Dear Arlene: I’ll tell you something you already know: You cannot live your daughter’s life. You also need to be careful you don’t appear to be meddling in her life, because that will shut down the lines of communication.

Schedule alone time with your daughter and express your concerns. Remind her of what she has shared with you about feeling lonely. Tell her what you value — specifically — about marriage and why you recommend it. Encourage her to seriously consider if she wants to get married and have a family and, if so, to make it an equal priority to her work. Suggest she allocate time for extracurricular activities and suggest she ask her friends if they know interesting men she might like. The bottom line for anyone who wants to have a career AND build a life with a partner is, you must be proactive, or time could pass you by.

For worried parents, you have to be willing to let your children live their lives and be there to support them — even when they make what you consider to be poor choices.