Experiences teach us what true love is
The first advertising blitz of the New Year starts the day the merchandisers take down the multicolored Christmas displays, replacing them with ones bathed in valentine red. Maybe I’ve reached some introspective point in my life because this year I’m not buying into the blitz.
I asked a 6-year-old the other day “What is love?” and, although he had no definition to offer, he was quick to add, “I’m really smart you know.” Maybe he is real smart, because I really don’t have a definition either … just experience.
Like that 6-year-old, love started out as what I felt radiating from my parents. Next I found myself jumping on the Madison Avenue Love Train as I joined in putting little witty valentines on the desk of each of my classmates. Soon us guys, with James Dean-like aloofness, laughed at swooning girls screaming their undying love to the Beatles as they took the stage on “The Ed Sullivan Show.” Ever evolving, us guys somehow got interested in girls again and found ourselves convinced we were in love as we took to the altar with our blushing brides.
It’s that period – from that first shakily delivered valentine until the first years of marriage – that merchandisers target on Valentine’s Day as they push everything from gorillas holding hearts, to devil’s horns wrapped in red fur, to diamonds – the tacky to the sublime.
The realization that merchandisers are targeting inexperienced youth has me jumping off that love train. I’ve just seen and experienced too much to go along with the charade anymore.
Let’s take that young couple pledging their devotion as they stand at the altar. Life has taught me that love isn’t the vow we take; unfortunately, giving our word is the easy part. For guys, real love is defined more by rolling dead tired out of bed to do the 2 a.m. feeding because your wife is exhausted. It’s realizing that while away from home and feeling lonely, going back to your hotel room to call your wife and say hi to the kids is what your heart really wants versus a few beers and some laughs with your single co-workers.
It works for women, too. I know a woman who, though separated from her husband, wanted to get him a birthday gift. She had no money. So, despite a deep-seated fear of needles, she decided to sell her blood. Her fear kept her driving around the block of the donation center. Steeling herself, she went in and then squeamishly gave the blood, and then bought the undeserving lout a birthday gift. I know that undeserving lout – it was me. Though the marriage failed, it’s part of why I’ll always be supportive of my ex. There are no valentines in the rack that capture that modern day O. Henry story.
Love is the connection that conquers miles better than the Internet. When your loved one is away, the candle in the window is just a physical manifestation of the candle you keep burning in the window to your soul. That’s far more vital to your loved one than some heart-covered silk boxers.
Love is the fuel that carries you on life’s hard journeys. Maybe that journey now has you living alone for the first time in half a century, but love will someday bring you back “into port.”
Love takes you into uncharted waters, like stepping in to raise your grandchild full time while your progeny battles an addiction. I have the greatest respect for seniors who are attending Cub Scout meetings or getting their grandchild to soccer practice when normally they would be perusing retirement travel brochures.
We should look more to seniors for their definition of love. When I see a wrinkled hand gently holding that of a spouse, I think they came up winners in the love lottery while many of us still are buying tickets.
One of the most beautiful displays of love I ever saw came recently as a model-erect senior lady gracefully helped her very stooped husband cross the street. The dignity and kindness she displayed spoke volumes about real love.
Maybe as baby boomers age, merchandisers will catch on to real, lasting forms of love and how to celebrate them. And when they do, I’ll be the first in line to buy a ticket back on board.