The Slice: Page designer definitely guilty

Here’s something I didn’t know.

“It’s not uncommon for employees to sneak away from company-sponsored gatherings to have sex.”

Did you know that?

Well, that happens all the time, according to “infidelity expert” Ruth Houston.

Houston, a New York-based writer, just sent out a press release that is full of intriguing tidbits. The headline is “Attend your husband’s company picnic to discourage workplace affairs.”

And her message is clear: “Company picnics and other work-related social events can be breeding grounds for workplace affairs.”

Again, I ask. Did you know that?

I didn’t, but I have an excuse. The newspaper’s company picnic always seems to take place while I’m away on vacation. Otherwise, I might have picked up a few clues and grown in my ability to spot the trends Ruth Houston now calls to our attention.

You know. I could look up from my plate of potato salad and observe the workplace facts of life.

“There goes my friend the page designer and that curvy intern. They must be leaving this company-sponsored gathering to have sex.”

Or, “Say, where did that photographer and copy editor disappear to? I guess they’re off having sex.”

OK, I’m not saying it doesn’t happen. And I don’t mean to imply that this subject is one big joke. It’s just that I find it hard to believe most company picnics are quite the cauldron of lust that old Ruth would have us believe.

Since when is complaining about bosses and mocking recent promotions erotic?

But, as I said, I’m really in no position to judge.

So maybe I’ll have to go to the S-R’s picnic this summer. Then I can grab a chair near the lemonade and do play-by-play.

“There goes that aging sportswriter and that fetching woman who writes about pop culture. They appear to be sneaking away from this company-sponsored event. And, folks, that can only mean one thing.”

“The look of love: So I’m in the waiting room at my dentist’s office. A mom and a cute little girl come in. The child looks like she is maybe 3 or 4, and she’s got the beginnings of a worried look.

Poor kid, I think. Going to the dentist can be scary.

Later, after my brief appointment has concluded, I’m walking out and glance into another exam room. The mother from the waiting room is flat on her back in a fully reclined dental chair and the little girl is lying on top of her. I didn’t notice if it was the dentist or a hygienist examining the kid. But I heard the little girl say, “I’m OK.”

Moms. There’s nothing quite like them.

“Today’s Slice question: Can a woman tell a man she doesn’t know that his zipper is down without it being weird?