Mrs. Nosy should butt out

Dear Diane: My wife and I live across the street from nosy neighbors.

A week ago, we bought a defective mattress. I was alone when the service person came to inspect the mattress. This person happened to be a beautiful young blonde.

She was being quiet most of the time and apologized for not being talkative. She told me how she just got a call saying her aunt was in the hospital. So by the time she left, she was in tears.

My neighbors happened to be in the driveway as she left. Naturally, they assumed that I made a pass at her — and she became upset.

Needless to say, Mrs. Nosy told my wife, and since I’m writing you this letter, you’ve already guessed that my wife believed Mrs. Nosy.

Now, instead of sleeping on our new mattress, I’ve been relegated to the couch.

Diane, I would never, EVER cheat on my wife. I love her with all my heart. I’m not sure what exactly Mrs. Nosy told her, and my wife hasn’t been in the mood to talk about it. All she wants to do is be mad and punish me for something I didn’t even do.

Please help me.

— Innocent In Englewood

Dear Innocent: The solution is simple. Call the mattress company and have the young woman call your wife and explain everything to her. Even if you have to pay the company for a service call, it might even be a good idea for Mattress Woman to speak to your wife face-to-face.

You should also make a little visit to your nosy neighbors and give them a piece of your mind.