Prosecutor offers full coverage for $50

Like a good neighbor… Tucker is therrre.

You’re in good hands – with Stevie.

I’ve been working up a few snappy slogans for Steve Tucker. I wanted to help the Spokane County prosecutor when I realized that he offers a unique line of political malfeasance insurance.

Ask policyholder Jim West.

It looks as if West’s Tucker insurance may keep Spokane’s disgraced and recalled mayor from ever being prosecuted on state misconduct charges.

Tucker indicated as much in a Spokesman-Review story the other day. The prosecutor told reporters he thought he had a conflict of interest in the West matter because he once contributed $50 to one of West’s campaigns.

Fifty bucks?

I wouldn’t have guessed that prosecutorial objectivity could be compromised for a donation less than, um, $79.95.

Hey, I danced with West as a joke when he was mayor.

I’ve sprung for his lunch. I once paid for some ice cream.

These trivialities didn’t stop me from going after West when we learned what sleazy antics the mayor had been pulling. I guess I don’t have Tucker’s finely honed ethical sensibilities.

Tucker Insurance is the bargain of a lifetime for any candidate because the prosecutor pays the premium.

The tricky part is persuading Tucker to toss a few shekels into your political war chest.

Cynical observers might suggest that Tucker’s conflict is really just an old shoddy story of one Republican running cover for another Republican.

Maybe so. But if I ever run for mayor, I’m putting the hand-shaking and baby-smooching on the back burner until I get Tucker on my team.

Then if I ever get in trouble for, say, dangling Councilman Brad Stark out a City Hall window, I’ll know Tucker will excuse himself from my case and say, sorry, “I’m conflicted out.”

Bad example. No investigator would consider Stark-dangling a crime.

Tucker’s professional disinterest is terrific news for recalled ex-Mayor RightBi-Guy.

Bellevue attorney Mark Busto examined West’s actions at the behest of the Spokane City Council. He concluded in his Nov. 18 report that West had violated:

“The city’s computer use policies “by accessing profane and pornographic information, pictures and representations on his city computer.”

“A state statute prohibiting municipal officials from using their offices to further personal interests.

Yet when interviewed the other day, Tucker told reporters he hasn’t even read the Busto report.

Unbelievable.

Tucker could ask the state attorney general to step in and examine Busto’s findings, of course.

And I could audition for the Spokane Symphony as a castanet virtuoso.

Neither of these scenarios will likely happen.

West will probably never face prosecution because none of our leaders has the will to do the right thing. I’m betting Busto’s findings will fade away without ever being tested.

All I can do is help Tucker spread the word about his nifty insurance plan. The market is vast. Even the most virtuous elected official is always a misstep away from taking a nosedive into a deep political pothole.

After consulting with my staff of marketing experts, I have gathered a few more slogans worthy of Madison Avenue. Steve – feel free to use any of these when you head out to fool the voters in your re-election campaign.

Tucker Insurance:

Coverage cronies can count on.

Busto report? What Busto report?

I just saved my ass by switching to Steve-o.

Amnesty is the best policy.