WSP trooper should pick up this advice
Being a Washington State Patrol trooper was once a predictable job that entailed writing speeding tickets, protecting the governor when called upon and responding to highway traffic accidents.
Lately, however, it appears the WSP also provides opportunities – to meet hot chicks!
Ever on the cutting edge of law enforcement scandal, Spokane County has had two recent cases of possible trooper testosterone overload.
“Mark Haas, a 22-year WSP veteran, faces felony unlawful imprisonment charges for allegedly suggesting during a stop that two women should expose themselves.
“Al Larned, on the job for 17 years, has been put on paid leave and is under investigation for allegedly asking for a woman’s telephone number for dating purposes.
These disturbing WSP developments have raised obvious questions such as…
Are you sure these two don’t work for the Sheriff’s Office?
COLUMN INTERRUPTION – While he can’t find enough evidence to file criminal charges against Spokane police officers involved in the Otto Zehm death, Spokane County Prosecutor Steve Tucker says he is now waiting on federal investigators because they “may well find something.” In related political news, voters have announced that they, too, are keeping their options open concerning Tucker’s re-election because they “may find someone else.”
The Washington State Patrol has responded to the above cases by releasing a comprehen- sive list of trooper do’s and don’ts. The following is intended to remind male patrol officers to never confuse a traffic stop with a tube top.
Do: “Did you know you have a burned out taillight?”
Don’t: “Impressive set of headlights you have there.”
Do: “I just clocked you doing 75 in a 60.”
Don’t: “Whoa. You look as fast as you drive.”
Do: “Ma’am, are you aware this is a no-passing zone?”
Don’t: “What’s a nice girl like you doing in a clunker Chevy like this?”
Do: “Would you mind stepping outside and opening your trunk?”
Don’t: “Would you mind stepping outside and shaking your junk?”
Do: “License and registration, please.”
Don’t: “Hey, baby, what’s your sign?”
Do: “You’re under arrest.”
Don’t: “Or we could go back to my place and watch ‘Cops.’ “
Do: “Would you please recite the alphabet backwards?”
Don’t: “Wanna watch me strike-light a road flare with my buzz cut?”
Do: “Have you had anything to drink tonight?”
Don’t: “I know a joint up the road that has a dark booth with our names on it.”
Do: “Hello. I’m Officer Poncherello.”
Don’t: “That’s not a radar gun in my pocket, and I am glad to see you.”
Do: “Do you know why I stopped you?”
Don’t: “Has anyone told you your eyes look just like Gov. Gregoire’s?”
Do: “Is that marijuana I smell?”
Don’t: “Sarge says my cologne makes me Erik Estrada sexy.”
Do: “Please keep your hands where I can see them.”
Don’t: “Wanna play with my siren?”
Do: “I’m going to let you go with a warning.”
Don’t: “Warning – I’m not wearing anything under my Kevlar.”
Do: “Do you have any illegal items I should know about?”
Don’t: “Looks like somebody’s asking for a frisking.”
Do: “Is the information on your driver’s license current?”
Don’t: “Hi, honey. Haven’t seen you speeding around here before.”
Do: “I’m going to have to search your vehicle.”
Don’t: “I call this move my ‘Search and Seize-Her.’ “
Do: “Would you please blow into this?”
Don’t: “Would you please blow into this?”