Harriette Cole : Affair threatens her job

Dear Harriette: I can really use some sound advice. A friend of mine has been having an adulterous relationship with another man with whom we both work. She has been married about 17 years, but doesn’t wear her wedding ring to work.

When she started having this affair, she started taking the ring off. I know her husband. In fact, we all go to the same church, and all three of us are officers there. I know her husband does not know. I see him in church every Sunday.

Since we are all church officers, should I talk to the pastor or to her husband? I also have proof she’s been having this affair. A group of people at work and another man took pictures and recorded phone conversations to get her fired. I work with her every day and I see how she changes her schedule to be with this man on third shift. Please tell me what to do. I’m tired of watching this activity. — Paula, Denver.

Dear Paula: I would have recommended you mind your own business and let the drama play out by itself, but it’s too late for that. You HAVE been discussing this woman’s business — just not with her.

As her “friend,” talk to her privately and tell her you are concerned. Tell her you believe she’s having an affair and other people at work not only believe this, they have collected evidence to prove it. Tell her you believe her job could be in jeopardy.

Certainly, her integrity already has been compromised. Express your discomfort in sharing the honorable role of church officer with her and her husband while knowing of this indiscretion. Leave it at that. She has to sort through this, not you. Stop discussing it with others. That is NOT the way to be a friend.