Canadian resort offers hot yoga

Have you ever tried Bikram yoga?

Let me paint you a picture. You’re twisting yourself around into the pretzel-like postures you might expect. But you’re doing it in a very special Bikram yoga room, at a very special Bikram yoga temperature of about 480 degrees, with a very special Bikram yoga humidity of 900 percent.

If it sounds like sheer misery to you, you’re not too far off. And if that’s what you’re into, a brand spanking new spot in British Columbia’s Thompson Okanagan is standing by to take your reservation.

The Cove Lakeside Resort near Kelowna opened last month with great fanfare for its Bikram Yoga Centre, where, they say, you can banish stress – by voluntarily placing yourself in stress positions, apparently.

They’re also proud of their location within an hour’s drive of almost 100 wineries, which I find monumentally more appealing. Each of The Cove’s 150 one-, two- or three-bedroom suites comes with a wine cooler where you can store your treasures while you whip up a snack in your gourmet kitchen.

The rooms also feature soaker tubs, fireplaces and floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking Okanagan Lake.

You’re not required to cook, however. After the first of the year, Bonfire Restaurant will serve food reflecting “the best in local cuisine.”

Dave Keeler, Bonfire’s operating partner, is working with Glenn Monk – a chef with experience in Bangladesh, Malaysia and Mexico, among other places – to develop the menu around “core local products that he knows: seafood, organic game, local fruits and vegetables.”

“He’s preparing them with a lot of Southwestern influence,” Keeler says. “It’s not a Mexican restaurant, per se, but we’re using elements of the Southwest in the cooking styles.”

The Cove offers a full-service spa, as well, and if you’re so inclined, you’ll find 50 golf courses nearby. According to the resort folks, five of them are ranked championship-worthy, which means you won’t run into me there.

“During the winter months, we have wonderful ski, cross-country and snowshoe trails,” says Leasa Kennedy, The Cove’s director of sales. “It’s a beautiful four-seasons destination.”

Opening rates start at $116 for a one-bedroom suite and $160 for a two-bedroom.

To learn more, visit www.covelakeside.com or call (877) 762-COVE.

‘Desperate’ times

You know the fad has begun to wane when everyone and their dog tries desperately to squeeze a last dime out of it with tortured marketing gimmicks.

And so it is with “Desperate Housewives.”

Four Seasons Resort Whistler – a lovely spot, without a doubt – has belatedly grasped for the bandwagon with “Desperate Ski Wives,” a four-night getaway right where the 2010 Winter Olympics will set up shop.

They’re super alliteratively excited about it, too. “Primp, pamper and power-ski the powder like an Olympian … Let’s go, girls!”

Here’s what else they say about the “swish” package: “When pressed for time to look and live the part, grab the gals for the ultimate learn-to-ski vacation.”

I have no idea what that means. Maybe I need to watch the show.

From what I’ve read, though, it seems to involve a lot of bedroom shenanigans, and I don’t know if that’s included in the nightly $1,933 Canadian fee. But at that price, it really ought to be.

I can say for sure, though, that you get four “sumptuous” nights in a private residence; a four-course dinner with British Columbia wines prepared right there by your personal “slopeside” chef (here’s hoping he’s dreamy); “Frisky Bison” cocktails with a purportedly “hot” ski instructor; dinner in the Fifty Two 80 Bistro; two days of private ski instruction; use of two-way walkie-talkie headsets; videotaped footage (I trust of your skiing stylings, not … oh, never mind); equipment and Prada or Spyder skiwear rental; three days’ worth of lift tickets; ski concierge services; yoga classes and après-ski massages; daily breakfasts; and a DVD of the second season of “Desperate Housewives” with a “pajama party amenity.”

If you go, please don’t tell me what that is. Good heavens.

The $1,933 per night cost can run all the way up to $6,864 depending on the season and the accommodations you choose.

For reservations or more information, contact the resort at www.fourseasons.com/whistler or (888) 935-2460.

Holidays and nights

A couple of weeks ago, I told you about our family Thanksgiving in the midst of a kitchen remodel. The following year, we all decamped to Hill’s Resort at Priest Lake, where no one was trying to install cabinetry whilst we cooked.

It was a nice change of pace.

Having someone else worry about the details – especially at that most joyous and demented time of year – is a real holiday treat. And Skamania Lodge, a mountain resort about 45 minutes outside of Portland, would like to extend that very favor your way.

The “Home for the Holidays” package, available from Nov. 24 to Dec. 24, bundles up a forest view room with a holiday decoration and a Christmas tree or wreath you can handpick and take home with you.

If you time things just right, you might be there for the lighting of the lodge’s own Christmas tree, a breakfast with Santa, gingerbread house making, or a “Gift of Music” performance.

Home for the Holidays starts at $139 per night. Make your reservations at www.skamania.com or (800) 221-7117.

Regional events

“Yellowstone Ski Festival, Nov. 21-25, West Yellowstone, Mont. The annual event features technique and wax clinics, and manufacturers’ exhibits. (www.visitmt.com/406-646-9427)

“Lavender Hills Farm Holiday Bazaar, Nov. 24-Dec. 24 (Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays only), Marysville, Wash. Stock up on lavender-related gifts while you enjoy hot apple cider and lavender goodies. (www.lavenderhillsfarm.com/360-651-2086)