Cannabis cop has Hollywood potential
So a Spokane cop has resigned after being confronted about whether he ate two marijuana cookies at a Tool concert.
The alleged grass gobbler was fingered by two off-duty Spokane police officers who were also at the concert and saw their comrade make the cookie buy. Kudos to them!
I’ve heard about pot cookies.
Dealers call ‘em “Snicker-Doobies.”
That probably explains the silly lopsided grins on all those Keebler elves.
Pot cookies give new meaning to the term “baked.”
Sure, they sound like harmless treats. But the gutters are crawling with junkies who started out on marijuana cookies only to graduate into more dangerous treats like Hostess 8-Balls or Little Debbie Crack Cakes.
Stop. This is just getting too easy.
I’m seriously thinking about donating part of my salary to the Spokane Police Department for supplying me with material. It’s almost as if there’s a cop committee meeting each week to help my cause.
COP 1: “Look, you guys. Clark has to come up with three columns a week.”
COP 2: “Yeah. That’s tougher than performing an ungloved cavity search on a lice-ridden meth freak.”
COP 3: “How can we help?
COP 1: “I know. Let’s tell him about the pot cookies at the Tool concert.”
COPS (in unison): “Great!!!”
Apparently the cookies were sold by some bozo who hauled them around in a Tupperware bowl, openly advertising his weed-filled wares. Call me finicky, but you’d have to stick a bazooka to my head before I’d nibble on anything that came out of some hemp-brained fool’s plastic bowl.
Frankly, I don’t know which part of this latest disgrace outrages me more.
1. That we have one police officer who would sink low enough to buy pot cookies or …
2. That we have three police officers who’d sink low enough to GO SEE TOOL!
There must be a Spokane Police Department rule forbidding employees who carry guns for a living from exposing themselves to sadomasochistic acid metal bands.
COLUMN INTERRUPTION! The infamous South Hill Rapist is back in the Spokane County Jail. Soon a court will determine whether to A.) Keep Kevin Coe locked up even though he has served his 25-year sentence; or B.) Let Coe move into the basement of a Spokane police officer’s home.
For you readers who don’t know Tool from Tool Time, here’s a lyric from the Tool song “Jerk-Off”:
“Maybe it’s just bull ($#!%) and I should play GOD and shoot you myself.”
Love songs always make me warm and squishy.
Seriously, I’d rather our boys in blue were not listening to such violent sentiments. The less Tool heard by the police, the safer John Q. Public will be. That’s my theory.
Cops should listen to more soothing, peaceful music like Mozart, Manilow and Marilyn Manson.
Hmm. Just thinking off the top of my dome here …
But a pot cookie now and then might help settle down those aggressive officers with the cowboy cop reputations.
Here’s an excerpt from my new screenplay: “Dude, Where’s my Taser?”
The scene takes place in a supermarket. A Spokane police officer, mellow from a Snicker-Doobie buzz, confronts a scruffy shoplifting suspect.
OFFICER: “Whoa, dude, wassup?”
SUSPECT: “Nothing, man. Just chillin’.”
OFFICER: “Is that, like, a case of beer under your jacket?”
SUSPECT: “Naw, man. It’s my Siamese twin.”
OFFICER: “Cooool. Wanna cookie?”
On second thought maybe we don’t want Spokane’s Thin Blue Line turning into Slow Stoned Swine.
You know what they say about police officers with a taste for chewy cannabis and eardrum-reaming rock and roll?
That’s the way the copper crumbles.