Stingley made most of situation

Despite living his last 29 years as a quadriplegic, Darryl Stingley tried not to be despondent about the horrific impact an unrepentant tackler had on his life.

“I don’t think he ever held grudges and I know that he was uncomfortable accepting anyone’s sympathies,” Patriots owner Robert Kraft said. “He wanted to find ways to positively impact the lives of those around him.”

The former Patriots receiver died early Thursday in Chicago at age 55 nearly three decades after being paralyzed by Raiders safety Jack Tatum in an exhibition game in Oakland in 1978.

An autopsy revealed contributing factors were bronchial pneumonia, quadriplegia, spinal cord injury and coronary atherosclerosis, the Cook County medical examiner’s office said.

“I have such fond memories of him,” said Chuck Fairbanks, the Patriots coach in 1973-78. “The real tragedy of the accident was that Darryl had such a love and exuberance to play. He was so full of vitality.”

Stingley, who was a first-round draft pick in 1973, lived his life looking for light in an otherwise desolate situation, one that improved only slightly over the years when partial movement in his right arm allowed him to maneuver his electric wheelchair.

“What happened to me will never be forgotten,” Stingley told the Boston Globe in 2003 on the 25th anniversary of the incident. “But you can’t hold onto bitterness. I can’t do much of anything alone, but I’ve been able to put my existence into perspective. I’m not perfect. I get angry. I lash out. But I choose not to hate. It’s such a cliche to hate. How can I benefit from that?”

Tatum, a three-time Pro Bowl safety who played with an edge, paralyzed Stingley on Aug. 12, 1978. Tatum hit Stingley as he stretched out for a Steve Grogan pass that had sailed over his head.

No penalty was called since contact such as that was common back then.

Stingley was approaching the apex of his career, about to sign a lucrative contract. Along with guard John Hannah and fullback Sam Cunningham, also first-round picks in 1973, he was a building block for the team’s future with 110 catches for 1,883 yards and 14 touchdowns.

“He was good,” Grogan said. “He could catch the ball anywhere on the field. And even though his speed wasn’t the greatest, he could separate himself from defenders. He just knew how to play his position.”

Tatum, nicknamed “The Assassin” during a career that ended in 1980, played two more seasons, then wrote three books about his exploits.

But no apology was offered.

“I’m not going to beg for forgiveness,” Tatum told the Bergen (N.J.) Record in 2003. “That’s what people say; you never apologized. I didn’t apologize for the play. That was football. I was sorry he got hurt. But to apologize for the way I played? That is never going to happen.”

Stingley’s fourth and fifth vertebrae were crushed and his spinal cord mangled by the hit and he struggled to understand why Tatum was so recalcitrant.

“One person deliberately hurt another person,” Stingley said in the 2003 Globe story. “That’s the way the story was written by some. I respect anybody’s point of view on it. I’m not in denial about it. There was an incident between us and (Tatum) did write a book (“They Call Me Assassin”) in which he said he went out and tried to hurt people. It hurt to read it.

“But for me to adapt a new way of life, I had to forgive him. I couldn’t be productive if my mind was clouded by revenge or animosity.”

After the injury, Stingley returned to New England for an emotional welcome on opening day of the 1979 season. He worked for 12 years as a Patriots consultant and received his bachelor’s degree from Purdue in 1992.

“The way he handled it was so inspiring,” former Patriots linebacker Steve Nelson said.

But along with Lions’ offensive lineman Mike Utley, paralyzed from the waist down in 1991, Stingley served as the incarnation of a nightmare.

“And I know how hard he worked to survive,” Cunningham said.

He even wrote a book about it in 1983, “Happy To Be Alive.”

“Darryl struggled with it for a long time,” Grogan said. “But then he kind of got things back together and was really feeling good about himself. I was glad to see that.”

The hit that paralyzed him led to rule changes designed to curb excessive violence by tacklers. It also set in motion a life dedicated to offering hope to others.

“It took me time to exorcise all the demons,” Stingley said in 2004. “All I had to do was come out of the house or travel around the country. Everyone I’d come in contact with let me know there was more of a purpose for me in life than looking at it negatively. So I decided to look at it in a positive way.”

In 1993, Stingley helped form a non-profit organization to help troubled kids in Chicago, where he was raised. He even was able to empathize when Tatum’s life was changed by illness.

Tatum had his left leg amputated below the knee in 2003 because of complications from diabetes.