Harriette Cole : Actions speak louder than three magic words

Dear Harriette: I’m struggling with the fact that my boyfriend of eight months has not yet told me that he loves me. He’s a good provider, helps around the house and I think he is willing to give me his last name if I ask him. However, when I say, “I love you,” his answer is “Me, too.” In my mind, that means he loves himself. Does this mean he doesn’t love me? What do you think about the fact that we’ve been together for eight months and he still has not uttered those three magic words? — Keesha, Bronx, N.Y.

Dear Keesha: You’re fixated on words as opposed to actions. Of course, it’s wonderful to hear “I love you.”

Those words carry a magic few others can ever match. But true magic in a relationship occurs in the little things a couple shares over time. You may want to focus on how you interact with one another, not on what your boyfriend says.

Consider what love means to you. How do you appreciate the experience of someone loving you? Are you experiencing genuine affection and tender attention from your boyfriend?

If so, cherish that. If not, notice and assess whether what you have is enough for now or if you would like to cultivate a deeper level of closeness.

Also, recognize that people have all kinds of relationships to those three little words. Sometimes, they never heard them from their parents. Other times, they heard them but the meaning was hollow. Still other people are afraid to state what their hearts say for fear of rejection or vulnerability, so they say nothing. Don’t let the words stand in the way of your happiness.