Circle of Security founders share ideas
Parents and other caregivers are “hard-wired” to love their children, according to Kent Hoffman and Bert Powell, two of the leading experts on attachment and bonding. But sometimes, something gets in the way, which then inhibits parents from that natural tendency to love and care for their child.
Helping caregivers connect with their children is at the core of Powell’s and Hoffman’s work. With Glen Cooper, another psychotherapist in Spokane, Hoffman and Powell established the Circle of Security – an early intervention program that teaches parents how to bond with their children in order to build “secure attachment,” a relationship in which caregivers provide the support for children to explore their environment.
Powell and Hoffman participated in an online chat Friday. Here is an edited transcript of the chat. To read more, go to spokesmanreview.com/ourkids/ chats.
Q: What’s happening biologically in those first few years that makes parenting so crucial?
Powell: The quality of a child’s care affects the way a child’s brain develops and matures. As the brain develops and matures, capacities for managing emotions (or not), being able to reflect on one’s thoughts, feelings and behaviors, and having empathy for others and compassion for one’s self are either enhanced or hindered. Research has demonstrated that the brain has a certain amount of flexibility and capacities that can be learned later in life. But it’s much harder to learn these capacities later than earlier.
Hoffman: All of that is learned early on. As the brain develops dramatically in the first three years, what the child is experiencing translates into a neural network in the brain that becomes a kind of hard-wiring. So the input – what they’re experiencing with their caregivers – becomes all important. As Bert implied, it’s never too late. It’s just harder the longer we wait.
Q: What is nurturing? Can a parent “nurture” for a couple hours a day or does the child need to see more of their parent in those first years?
Powell: Nurturing is recognizing and responding to a child’s attachment needs. It means being a secure base to support a child’s exploration and to be a safe haven for a child to return to in times of distress.
Hoffman: It might be helpful to go to our Web site, www.circleofsecurity.org, and look at the graphic titled “Circle of Security.” This graphic will clarify the basic needs that require a response. For example, to read a child’s cue while they’re exploring – when they want you to watch over their play without interfering or when they need someone to delight in them as they play. As we’ve said earlier, there is a different set of needs when children are distressed. Sometimes they are cuing us to be comforted, sometimes they are cuing us to be with them when they are angry and begin to make sense of why they’re angry. This is equally true when they are sad or afraid.
Powell: Time is important. A half an hour a day isn’t going to do it. But quantity doesn’t necessarily bring about security. At the same time, someone who has quality but only 15 minutes, that won’t cut it, either.