Dear Diane: Grandma seems to mean well, but …

Dear Diane: My mother-in-law, “JoAnne,” babysits our 1-year-old son, “Joshua.” I’m grateful for all she does, but I don’t know how to address the problem of her not listening.

We’ve had very few things that we’ve asked her not to do. Two of them were not to cut his hair and not to feed him wheat.

Yesterday, she cut his hair. We talked about it and she assured us that she’d listen and follow what we wanted.

Now today we found out that she gave him a wheat-based treat. Joshua has a possible allergy, but we haven’t yet been able to get him in to see an allergist, so we’re wanting to stay on the safe side.

JoAnne’s response was, “He had it and didn’t break out,” which is a lucky thing, but I’m worried that Joshua didn’t have an allergic reaction because it was only a small amount.

I’m worried about his health — he’s been a sickly child — and I don’t feel like I should have a doctor’s note to get her to obey our instructions. What should I do?

—Worried in Wisconsin

Dear Worried: Get Joshua to the doctor as soon as possible to determine what allergies — if any — the baby has. This will strengthen your position with JoAnne. Right now all you have are “what-ifs.”

Yes, the boy has a history of medical problems and that has you worried. But until you get confirmation, you and your mother-in-law will be locking horns over Who Can Take Care of Baby Best.

In the meantime, tell JoAnne to please not give the baby any more wheat-based products, that you’ve made arrangements to see a doctor, and most importantly, that she should abide by your wishes because she would absolutely never forgive herself if she harmed her grandchild.

Be firm, yet diplomatic; and try to avoid making this issue a long-term sore spot between yourself and JoAnne. You both love Joshua and want what’s best for him. As long as both of you keep that in mind, things should work out.