Drug busts a harsh toke for GU
All right, now. Everybody chill out!
So a couple of Ganjaga University basketball players are allegedly linked to a pittance of pot and some magic mushrooms.
That doesn’t mean we fans should fall prey to paranoia. And so today I urge all of you to NOT believe the clever yet unfounded shroomers I have heard, such as …
“The remainder of the Gonzaga men’s season is up in smoke.
“The GU team will be changing its nickname to the “Zig Zags.”
“Last year was all about “the ‘stache.” This year is more about “the stash.”
“That the school’s superstar alum, Bong Crosby, had something wacky in that pipe.
And as long as we’re debunking myths, let me say this about that: Those mystery fumes that closed down Spokane’s NorthTown Mall Sunday?
They have absolutely no relation to the telltale weedy odor that propelled Josh Heytvelt and Theo Davis into the national news spotlight.
Heytvelt is a starting GU sophomore forward and rebounding ace. Davis is a freshman forward.
As first wisecracked in a previous Doug Clark column, the two were arrested on drug possession charges after a Friday night traffic stop in Cheney. According to a police news release, an officer smelled marijuana after stopping a Chevy Trailblazer for a defective taillight.
Why were these guys rolling in Cheney the night before a big game?
Maybe they were on a roach trip.
Anyway, this is obviously not the higher education Gonzaga University is famous for. The two young men have since been suspended from the team. That’s appropriate, although a dose of Christian forgiveness would be welcome before tournament time.
Compared to real human tragedies (the Iraq War, the untimely demise of Anna Nicole Smith, Kevin Federline) is this story really worth getting huffy about?
These misfortunes happen every now and then with college athletes.
Come to think of it, these misfortunes occur every other day with NBA athletes.
As Jim Rome said Monday on his nationally syndicated radio sports talk show, if the incident involved just a bit of bud nobody would care. But “the shrooms added a nice twist to it.”
I must be out of the loop. I didn’t even know anybody did magic mushrooms anymore. I thought psychedelic fungus phased out with love beads and platform shoes.
Apparently there is still plenty of shroomy interest out there.
DrugScope, an Internet site I discovered, had the following anecdote on magic mushroom effects:
“All of a sudden the walls started to move. I wanted it to end but once you start, you can’t stop it. It really took a toll on my head.”
What a bummer. I’m no expert when it comes to hoop dreams. But you don’t need Magic Johnson to tell you that magic mushrooms don’t belong on a team.
A coach must have confidence that when a player goes up for a layup …
The dude’ll come back down.
The person I feel terrible for is Mark Few.
The GU coach is the classiest act in Spokane. He doesn’t deserve this sort of distraction.
To their credit, the Zags put this controversy aside Saturday night and thrashed one of their court rivals, Saint Maryjane.
Sorry. I meant Saint Mary’s.
But I’m pulling for Gonzaga like never before. I hope the team will continue to mirror the school’s well-established standards of excellence.
But here’s the morel to this story:
The only mushrooms a GU basketball player should get near these days should be on a Pete’s pizza.